MY SENIOR FRIENDS

Now that I’m a senior citizen, I worry that my friends might forget to show up when we make plans to get together.  And rightful so, as it has happened on one or two occasions.  Thus, recently when I made plans with four friends to meet for lunch and then go to the local senior center to see, for free, the movie, “The Descendants,” I called each one that morning to confirm (or I should say remind them) of our plans.

Lo and behold, when I called Gloria, she said, “Oh my goodness, I’m glad you called, because I’m afraid I did forget.”  Fortunately the other two ladies said yes they did remember and would meet me at the restaurant.  So at 11:00, Gloria and Arlene arrived at the restaurant.  We waited awhile for Joyce and finally, after 15 minutes, decided we needed to be seated and order our lunch. 

I couldn’t imagine what happened to Joyce, although, I know she has had memory lapses recently.  But 45 minutes later she did show up and told us she had met another friend for breakfast and so just ordered a cup of coffee as we finished our lunch.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

RICK’S SPAM EMAIL

The other day, I received an email from my son Rick with an offer to make money at home.  I knew immediately that it was spam.  Rick works for a financial company and thus he gives me excellent financial advice, certainly not get rich schemes.

As I looked at it more closely, I noticed that my sister also received the email.  I knew Rick would not appreciate that.  He does not like his aunt for several reasons, one of which is that she has asked to borrow money from him, even though she has no way of repaying it.

Oh well, nothing that can be done about it, though I’m wondering how long it will take until she contacts him again to borrow money!

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

TRUSTING SALESMAN

The other day I bought a new vacuum cleaner and the salesman told me he would give me a $100 discount on the price for bringing in my old vacuum.  Of course I was very pleased and today I drove back to the store with my old vacuum in the trunk.  But when I walked in, he looked puzzled when I handed him my credit card in order to receive the discount.

It almost seemed as if he didn’t remember selling me a vacuum.  And so I said, “Here, I have the receipt in my purse.”  He took the receipt and carefully looked it over.  “Oh yes,” he replied, “I applied the discount to your bill at the time you purchased it.”  And sure enough he showed me the lower price that I paid. 

I never looked at my receipt and didn’t know it had included the discount.  But what really surprised me and I even said to the salesman,  “You are certainly a very trusting person and that was very nice of you since you had no way of knowing whether I would, in fact, bring you my old vacuum.”  He just smiled and replied, “Oh, I knew you would.” 

“Hmmmm,” I thought and I guessed it probably hadn’t really mattered if I did or didn’t !!!!

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ENDOSCOPY

Yesterday, I had to go to the hospital to have an endoscopy.  This procedure requires the doctor to insert a scope down my throat to view the inside and if necessary do a balloon treatment to stretch my throat a little.  Of course, I received sedation so I never felt a thing.  Luckily all is well and I don’t have to worry about it.

And the really good part of the whole things was that the doctor told me to restrict my diet to soft foods for the next 24 hours.  The list of foods I received included pancakes for breakfast.  Since the ingredients in pancakes and waffles are almost identical (one tablespoon of oil is added to the waffle batter), I asked if I could have waffles instead.  I was pleased to learn I could.  I love waffles but seldom make them.  And so with this good news, I decided to treat myself to waffles this morning ;-)

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

DR. WEISS

Today I had an appointment at the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure to learn why food occasionally gets stuck in my esophagus.  I have never before been afraid of going to the doctor or having a medical test, but for some unknown reason, today I did feel a little apprehension.  I don’t know why unless as I’m growing older my mortality becomes more real.

Nevertheless, when the doctor who would perform the procedure walked in the room my trepidation increased and my blood pressure rose to a high of 167 or 85.  Normally, my blood pressure hovers around 90 over 60.  The doctor, I kid you not, looked almost like a teenager!  I guessed her age at maybe 25 and worried that she was too young to have sufficient experience to put a scope down my throat.

I had to say something to find out about her competence, but certainly did not want to insult her.  So I simply said, “I bet all your patience say you look so young.  But since medical school requires many years of school, you must at least be in your late 20’s.”  She smiled and replied, “Yes my patients do share your opinion, but I’m in my late 30’s and my birthday is on Saturday.”

I felt much better knowing she had practiced medicine for at least 10 years and as she explained the procedure she would perform, I gained more confidence in her ability.  Shortly thereafter, the nurse sedated me and the next thing I knew, the mini-surgery was over and I was just fine.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

NEW CUSTOMERS FOR OXI FRESH

After 40 years, my vacuum cleaner broke. But it had a ‘long run’, so I can’t complain.  Thus, I went to a vacuum cleaner store today to buy a new one.  The salesman showed me a wonderful light-weight cleaner that weighed only six pounds.  Perfect, I thought until he told me the price was $400 … not so good. Luckily I asked if he had any other light-weight vacuums for a lower price.  Indeed, he did and I bought one for $300.  And to sweeten the deal he offered me a 10% discount for bringing in my old one.  I was a happy camper.

In addition, another good surprise awaited me.  As I gave him my credit card it occurred to me that I might be able to greatly assist my son-in-law, James.  He owns the Oxi Fresh Carpet Cleaning Company and so I asked my salesman if many customers ever asked him to recommend a good carpet cleaning company. “Yes,” he responded and I proceeded to tell him about James’s business.  “Oxi Fresh is great,” I said, “It’s environmentally safe, the carpet is practically dry by the time the technician is finished cleaning, and each time I’ve had my carpet cleaned my friends and neighbors have asked if I had purchased new carpet.”

When I left the store I called James to tell him my good news.  Of course James was very pleased and said he would stop by to introduce himself.  Here’s hoping there’s lots of business ahead for James.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

THE IRS AND MY 401K

When I talked to my friend, Jane, today she told me to call the IRS immediately as they could take 50% of my retirement. “Oh no,” I said and at the same time thanked her for letting me know. Last summer I turned 71 and ½. I knew that the IRS required retirees to start withdrawing money from their IRA’s at that age, but I didn’t think I had any IRA’s.

Sure I had investments, but I didn’t realize the money in the TIAA-Creff account that I had accumulated while I worked at the University was, in fact, a retirement account. I have several investments and the only one I considered as a retirement one is the Roth IRA I have with Vanguard which does not require withdrawals.

So, my 71st birthday came and went and I did nothing. Chances are TIAA-Creff probably sent me a letter explaining I had to make a withdrawal. However, I receive so much “junk mail” from them, that I pay little attention to it. I know… My fault. But it’s spilt milk now.

Of course, I did as Jane suggested and called TIAA-Creff. Luckily they were very helpful and assisted me in taking care of the problem. When I asked about the 50% that the IRS could take, they told me, “Yes, if I get audited, the IRS will take ½ of the money I should have withdrawn.” Oh well, what can I do and if I’m lucky, they will just ignore the ‘small’ amount. But what really frustrated me was that although, the law states the money should be withdrawn when you turn 70 and ½, they give you about 9 months to pay it. For me the deadline fell on April 1, 2012. And what a shame, I called TIAA-Creff on April 20th. If only I had called three weeks earlier!!!!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

OSTEOPEROSIS

Eight years ago, my doctor prescribed fosomax for me as I had developed osteoperosis. My bone scan measured –3.5, one point more than the base line for having the disease. My next bone scan, a couple years later, showed a little improvement, -3.3.

Good news I thought and continued my weekly dosage of fosomax. However, a year later, I started having some tightness in my jaw. Not a good sign. Plus I had started hearing that too many years of taking fosomax could actually be detrimental to good bone health. So I contacted my doctor and she agreed to stop the regime. However, as a safe guard she told me to take 4,000 mg of Vitamin D every day, which I did.

Unfortunately, at my most recent annual physical exam, my doctor gave me good news and bad news. Another bone scan measured my overall bone density as –3.2, more improvement. However, my wrists had weakend and the brittle bones in my wrist measured –4.2. Thus, my doctor has referred me to a bone specialist.

Of course, I am very concerned about my wrists. But since I am very conscientious about exercising to keep my back as strong as possible and my MS “at bay”, I decided to add a new exercise to my daily routine. I hold a can of soup in each hand and twist my wrists up and down and back and forth, etc. They say weights are important for building bones and I’m sure going to try.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LATE FOR BRIDGE

For years I have enjoyed playing duplicate bridge. And while my Mother was alive she and I played bridge a couple times every week. But now, I don’t have a regular partner and every week I make lots of phone calls to find a partner.

Yesterday morning, when I called Skye, she told me she would enjoy playing and I told her I would see her today at noon. But at a quarter to noon she had not yet arrived, at 10 to she had still not arrived, and at noon when the bridge game began Skye had not shown up at all. The man in charge tried calling a few members to see if someone could quickly drive to the club to be my partner. Unfortunately, everyone he called said, “No.”

I had no choice, but to leave. However to my complete surprise, at 12:15 as I walked to the door, Skye entered the bridge club!!! She thought the game started at 12:30 and I was so glad to see her.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

COLDEEZE

Thank goodness for Coldeeze. Several years ago, my son told me about it. “Just take a lozenge the minute you feel a cold coming on and it prevents the outbreak of your cold.” Sounded good to me and so I tried it and sure enough I had the results he predicted.

Thus, I carry a Coldeeze lozenge in my purse at all times, to make sure, no matter where or when, I always have access to a tablet. The problem is that once I use the tablet in my purse, I must be sure to replace it. Of course, now that I’m a senior citizen that becomes more difficult.

This past Saturday, while I was out, I sneezed and immediately reached in my purse for the Coldeeze. The next day luckily, as usual, the cold did not inflict me. But at the same time, it slipped my mind and I did not replace the missing tablet in my purse. Fortunately, later in the day, when I heard an advertisement for some cough syrup, a light bulb went off in my head and I rushed to my medicine cabinet and restocked my purse!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

FRIDAY THE 13TH

I must admit I have always been a bit superstitious. And so when I woke up this past Friday morning on April 13th, I wasn’t surprised to be faced with bad luck. I looked out my back window and saw that my neighbors had placed about 6 of their trash bins across the entrance to my driveway. I had plans to meet a few friends for lunch and needed to drive out about 10:30. But with those trash bins blocking my way, I would have trouble navigating out of my garage.

Unfortunately, I don’t know my neighbors, as there are tenants in the 4-unit building next to mine. So I couldn’t call them. All I could do was get dressed and ready to go and hope for the best. Being Friday the 13th, I didn’t think I had much chance. But I got lucky. Not only did the trucks pick up the trash early, but the neighbors moved the trash bins before I was even ready to go.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LILY & LAKE GENEVA

My two-year-old granddaughter lives in Chicago, so I don’t get to see her very often. But today I drove to Lake Geneva to see Lily and my son and daughter-in-law as it’s a good halfway place to meet and they were there for a little weekend vacation. It was great to visit with them and I got right down on the floor with Lily to play with her.

I brought along a musical toy for Lily and she enjoyed playing with it. But she ignored my other present a silver crown that I had made for her from heavy paper and tinfoil. A week ago when my son and I “skyped,” Lily had covered herself with a blanket and said she was a queen. “Aha,” I thought she needs a crown. And so I googled BurgerKing to find a picture of the crown that’s displayed in their ads. I drew a copy of it and made a crown. I thought for sure that Lily would love it. But since a whole week had past, I guess she forgot all about being a queen ;-)

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

MY SILVER PEN

I have always carried a pen in my purse just in case I needed to write something down. And several years ago, I bought a pretty silver pen to keep in my purse. Unfortunately, instead of a zipper, my purse snaps shut and so there’s a little opening at either end where small things can possibly fall out.

Today when I stopped at the bank to cash a check I opened my purse to pull out the pen. But lo behold it was gone. I tried to think back over the last couple of days where I had been and when the pen might have dropped out. Alas, I feared I had lost it for good. Nevertheless, when I got back into my car, I decided to look on the floor and I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see my silver pen.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LUNCH GUEST

Yesterday when I was on the phone talking to my neighbor, I mentioned that I planned to make sweet and sour cabbage soup today. I added that though it is a very simple and easy recipe, cutting up the cabbage is a real hassle. When she told me she had never eaten sweet and sour cabbage soup, without thinking I immediately said, “Well, why don’t you come over tomorrow and have some soup for lunch.” “Thank you, I would love to,” she replied.

Good grief, I thought. I am so busy for the next few days, I really don’t have time for a lunch guest, tomorrow. But, she is a good friend and I enjoy her company and no doubt we would have a nice time. Meantime, I know that somehow, all the work would get done and spending time with friends is more valuable than doing chores.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

BUSY DAY

I don’t know how I foolishly scheduled both a doctor’s appointment and a dentist appointment on the same day, but I did. Oh well, I had the dentist appointment at 10:00 and the doctor appointment at 1:00 and so be it, I had no choice.

I assumed I would be finished about 2:00 and since I had to purchase some vitamins, cosmetics, etc, I decided I would have time to stop at the drugstore before going home. But the doctor was later than I expected and she ordered a blood test. Thus, I didn’t leave the clinic until almost 3:00. I was tired and considered postponing my trip to the drugstore. But as I past it on the way home, I thought to myself, “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” Thus, I parked the car, went into the store, and spent another 45 minutes shopping.

So you can imagine that by the time I walked out of the drugstore and got home, I was exhausted !!!!

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EASTER SUNDAY

My health insurance company pays me $200 a year if I exercise at the health club a minimum of 10 times a month. And so every week as I plan my activities, I make sure I schedule 2 or 3 visits to the health club. Well this weekend, because I had stayed out late on Friday night, I planned to go to the club on Sunday instead of Saturday -- for my usual workout. But when I turned on the radio, as I woke up this morning, I heard some ‘bad’ news. The radio broadcaster made an announcement about the Pope leading an Easter service at the Vatican.

Oh my gosh !!!! Well, of course, the health would be closed today on Easter Sunday. How could I have been so thoughtless? Obviously, I’ll have to squeeze in an extra visit sometime during this next week. What a hassle, but I should have known better.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

ROBO-CALLS & DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS

I frequently receive “robo-calls” from non-profit organizations and politicians, but yesterday, I received “robo-calls” from both my doctor’s and dentist’s office as I have appointments on Tuesday to see both of them.

I appreciate the reminder calls, but they need to “get their act together.” I was not at home to answer either one of the calls, thus, the “robots” left messages on my answering machine. Stating the time and date of my appointment was helpful, but the “robot” then instructed me to press ‘1’ to confirm my appointment.

That is all well and good if I had taken the call personally. But I played the message on my answering machine instead and pushing the number 1 only resulted in activating the next call. Well that sure is stupid. What do they expect me to do now? Of course I will have to call the doctor’s and dentist’s office to assure them I will arrive for my appointment. But whoever recorded the “robo-call” should have provided a telephone number for the calls that did not get picked up by a human!!!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

MY INVESTMENT BROKER

This morning, my investment broker, June, called and asked me if I had called her last evening. Her call surprised me, because I have never call her at home only at her office. But I had in fact made several calls the night before and it dawned on me that without knowing it, one of the calls might have been to her.

I own a little real estate business where I call homeowners who are attempting to sell their own homes. I wish them good luck, but add if they ever decide to stop trying on their own and list with a real estate agent, I can recommend an excellent realtor at no charge to them. This in fact is true because instead of the owner paying me, the realtor pays me a finder’s fee when the house is sold. It’s not a bad business. I simply make some phone calls and collect anywhere from about $500 to a few thousand dollars!!!

And so by coincidence, the other night, one of the calls I made, unbeknownst to me was to June.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

HEALTH CLUB MEMBER

As I drove up to the library this afternoon, I noticed a woman I recognized walking towards the library. I reached the door at the same time she did and realized I knew her from the Health Club. I have often seen her swimming in the pool at the same time I swam.

I said, “Hello,” and asked if she planned on going to the health club after she finished at the library, as that’s what I planned to do. She replied yes, but she had a few errands to run before heading to the health club. By coincidence I also had to make another stop and would be at the club after picking up some groceries.

And lo and behold, an hour later we met again in the swimming pool. What a coincidence!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

WEBSITE TRAFFIC

Every webmaster anxiously tries to drive lots of traffic to their site. Of course, I’m no different and I frequently google keywords for my site to see on which page google has placed my site. I always hope www.FunnyPhotosContest.com will appear on the first page. Unfortunately for most searches I don’t even come close.

And so I decided to survey the contestants who send photos to my site to find out how they discovered the site. To my great surprise the four people who have responded so far all said, they found my site through a google search. Unbelievable!!! I didn’t know what kind of results I would receive from my survey, but the frosting on the cake came from one person who also wrote, “Your site is great. Really enjoy. Found your site on google when searched for funny photos contests. Keep up the great work.”

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

STEVE H.

Recently when I talked to my friend Steve, I happened to mention that my daughter and her family would be coming to my house for the Passover seder. He kind of hinted that I should invite him. But I hadn’t purchased enough food so instead I invited him to come for lunch today and I would make fried matzoh (a mixture of matzoh fried with scrambled eggs), one of his favorites.

But yesterday as I was getting things together, I couldn’t help but wonder if Steve would actually show up. He does have a habit of canceling plans. And sure enough, I was right. The phone rang early this morning and Steve said he didn’t feel well and was going to urgent care to see a doctor. Oh well … less work for me.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

TAHINI

I make great humus and all my friends enjoy it whenever they visit. The key ingredient besides garbanza beans is tahini. Unfortunately, the store where I shop for groceries has stopped carrying tahini. There’s another small grocery store where I sometimes shop, but when I called to ask if they sell tahini, they regretfully told me, “no”.

Luckily, I have wonderful neighbors. Recently I told my neighbor, Barb, about my dilemma and yesterday morning¸ by complete surprise, she called me to tell me she was at a store I have never been to. Lo and behold they had tahini on their shelf. So she asked if I wanted her to buy it for me. Of course, without a second thought I said, “Yes, please do. And thank you, thank you, thank you.”

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .