JACOB’S FIRST CAR ACCIDENT

Last Oct, my oldest grandson turned 16.  At the time my car was over 12 years old, so I bought a new one and gave Jacob my old car with less than 50,000 miles on it.  However, there was one stipulation.  He could drive it until he graduated high school in three years.  Then my younger grandson, Jared, would turn 16 and the car would go to him for his last three years of high school.

It was certainly a good plan and hopefully will come to pass.  Unfortunately, the other day, after 9 months with no problems, Jacob had his first and hopefully only fender-bender.  As he backed out of a friend’s driveway he hit a fire hydrant!  Fortunately, the damage near the fender isn’t too bad.  There is a small hole in the exterior and it is slightly crunched like an accordion.  The dent is smaller than a soccer ball and you would hope it would not cost much to fix. But sadly the amount will probably be about three or four thousand dollars – too much to spend on a 13-year-old car.

And so all that will be done is to paint the surface to prevent rusting and to hope that in two more years, my younger grandson Jared, will still have a pretty decent car to drive.

By Hannah

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MY FRANK COUSINS

My grandfather had three brothers, a sister, and two half brothers.  They all married and had children. And in time, their total offspring numbered 26.  My Mom was one of those children and when all her cousins married and had children the Frank family grew to well over 100. 

Of course with so many relatives, it was impossible to develop a close relationship with all of them.  In fact, there are many of my third cousins I don’t know at all as I have never even met them.  But over the past few years, since my parents and others of their generation have died, I have often thought, “What a shame it is that I have cousins I would pass on the street without recognizing.”

So a few weeks ago, I decided to plan a luncheon for my female, third cousins who live in the area.  I talked to a couple who were thrilled to hear about my idea.  That was all I needed.  I made reservations at a nice restaurant, bought some invitations, and am now just anxiously waiting for the day to arrive.  I’m sure it will be great.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

KAHLUA

Recently, I had to buy a bottle of Kahlua for a delicious chocolate dessert that I volunteered to bring to a potluck dinner.  However, when I arrived at the grocery store I was almost prevented from purchasing it.  It was late when I walked into the grocery store and late when I approached the service desk to ask for help.  It takes me forever to find what I need in their liquor department as the liquor does not seem to be arranged in any reasonable order. So I asked if one of their staff would please fetch the Kahlua for me.

To my surprise she said, “We have to hurry. It’s ten to nine and we close the liquor department at 9:00.”  In addition, I had to pay for the Kahlua before 9:00 and I could not carry it in my grocery cart.  They had to keep it at the front desk until I was ready to leave the store.   There are certainly a lot of strange laws in our country and this one was sure new to me !!!

By Hannah

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DEATH BY CHOCOLATE

Last night I had to take dessert to a potluck dinner.  I had originally planned to bring my Mother’s delicious blitz-torte cake made with layers of yellow cake, meringue, whip cream, chopped pineapple and chopped nuts. It was always one of my favorites when I was growing up.  But I feared it might not serve 10 people, so I had to think of another dessert.  Years ago at another potluck I remembered devouring a fabulous chocolate dessert and so I called the woman who made it to get the recipe.

She began by telling me the name of the dessert was “Death by Chocolate,” made with a Pillsbury chocolate cake mix, chocolate pudding, kahlua, chopped heath bars and whipping cream.  And so I made the dessert and it certainly was DELICIOUS.  On top of it, I didn’t have to worry about now having enough.  When I brought the leftovers  home, there was still more in the pan then the guests had eaten.  And trust me … they all ate a lot.  In fact most had seconds.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

REAL ESTATE

I only sold real estate from 1973 to 1977.  But I have continued to maintain my real estate license by paying my bi-annual dues and taking the required continuing education classes every two years.  And the reason I keep my license is to occasionally collect a referral fee of $500 to $1,000 or more.

About one night a week (or sometimes less) I call people who are trying to sell their own houses.  I wish them good luck, but tell them if they decide to list their property and they don’t know a good realtor, I can recommend an excellent agent.  If they then list with the agent and the house sells, the realtor pays me about 20% of his commission for the referral fee.

It’s a nice arrangement, but unfortunately, it doesn’t happen very often – maybe once a year.  So today, I was very excited when I learned the good news that one of the home owners I spoke to recently listed his house with the agent I suggested.  Now I just have to wait patiently until the house sells, because if it doesn’t sell I don’t get paid.  So here’s hoping.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

VACUUM BATTERY

I love the new lightweight, portable vacuum that my son and daughter-in-law bought me for Mother’s Day, but I’ve had some problems with it.  The first time I vacuumed my living room it was great. But the second time, within a few minutes of turning it on, it died.  “Oh no!” I thought, “What can the matter be.”  And then I realized, of course the battery needed to be recharged.

So the next time I vacuumed, I made sure that I had charged the battery the required three hours before I started.  Then with no problem, I vacuumed my entire living and dining room.  I love this vacuum cleaner and easily carried it upstairs to finish vacuuming my house.  But within a few minutes it died !!!!  You can imagine how frustrated I was.  I read the manual, then called the Hoover Company, and learned the battery only lasts about 20-25 minutes.  What a bummer.

Since I could never completely vacuum my house in only 25 minutes, my only option was to buy a second battery for a back-up to vacuum the entire house.  But again … what a bummer.  On the other hand, the vacuum had been a gift from my son and the Hoover employee on the phone told me that since my machine was only a couple months old he would give me a 15%  discount on a new battery and waive the shipping.  My total was $62.35.  All in all, not bad, I guess…….

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

OSTEOPEROSIS

Eight years ago, my doctor prescribed fosomax for me as I had developed osteoperosis. My bone scan measured –3.5, one point more than the base line for having the disease. My next bone scan, a couple years later, showed a little improvement, -3.3.

Good news I thought and continued my weekly dosage of fosomax. However, a year later, I started having some tightness in my jaw. Not a good sign. Plus I had started hearing that too many years of taking fosomax could actually be detrimental to good bone health. So I contacted my doctor and she agreed to stop the regime. However, as a safe guard she told me to take 4,000 mg of Vitamin D every day, which I did.

Unfortunately, at my most recent annual physical exam, my doctor gave me good news and bad news. Another bone scan measured my overall bone density as –3.2, more improvement. However, my wrists had weakend and the brittle bones in my wrist measured –4.2. Thus, my doctor has referred me to a bone specialist.

Of course, I am very concerned about my wrists. But since I am very conscientious about exercising to keep my back as strong as possible and my MS “at bay”, I decided to add a new exercise to my daily routine. I hold a can of soup in each hand and twist my wrists up and down and back and forth, etc. They say weights are important for building bones and I’m sure going to try.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LATE FOR BRIDGE

For years I have enjoyed playing duplicate bridge. And while my Mother was alive she and I played bridge a couple times every week. But now, I don’t have a regular partner and every week I make lots of phone calls to find a partner.

Yesterday morning, when I called Skye, she told me she would enjoy playing and I told her I would see her today at noon. But at a quarter to noon she had not yet arrived, at 10 to she had still not arrived, and at noon when the bridge game began Skye had not shown up at all. The man in charge tried calling a few members to see if someone could quickly drive to the club to be my partner. Unfortunately, everyone he called said, “No.”

I had no choice, but to leave. However to my complete surprise, at 12:15 as I walked to the door, Skye entered the bridge club!!! She thought the game started at 12:30 and I was so glad to see her.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

COLDEEZE

Thank goodness for Coldeeze. Several years ago, my son told me about it. “Just take a lozenge the minute you feel a cold coming on and it prevents the outbreak of your cold.” Sounded good to me and so I tried it and sure enough I had the results he predicted.

Thus, I carry a Coldeeze lozenge in my purse at all times, to make sure, no matter where or when, I always have access to a tablet. The problem is that once I use the tablet in my purse, I must be sure to replace it. Of course, now that I’m a senior citizen that becomes more difficult.

This past Saturday, while I was out, I sneezed and immediately reached in my purse for the Coldeeze. The next day luckily, as usual, the cold did not inflict me. But at the same time, it slipped my mind and I did not replace the missing tablet in my purse. Fortunately, later in the day, when I heard an advertisement for some cough syrup, a light bulb went off in my head and I rushed to my medicine cabinet and restocked my purse!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

FRIDAY THE 13TH

I must admit I have always been a bit superstitious. And so when I woke up this past Friday morning on April 13th, I wasn’t surprised to be faced with bad luck. I looked out my back window and saw that my neighbors had placed about 6 of their trash bins across the entrance to my driveway. I had plans to meet a few friends for lunch and needed to drive out about 10:30. But with those trash bins blocking my way, I would have trouble navigating out of my garage.

Unfortunately, I don’t know my neighbors, as there are tenants in the 4-unit building next to mine. So I couldn’t call them. All I could do was get dressed and ready to go and hope for the best. Being Friday the 13th, I didn’t think I had much chance. But I got lucky. Not only did the trucks pick up the trash early, but the neighbors moved the trash bins before I was even ready to go.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LILY & LAKE GENEVA

My two-year-old granddaughter lives in Chicago, so I don’t get to see her very often. But today I drove to Lake Geneva to see Lily and my son and daughter-in-law as it’s a good halfway place to meet and they were there for a little weekend vacation. It was great to visit with them and I got right down on the floor with Lily to play with her.

I brought along a musical toy for Lily and she enjoyed playing with it. But she ignored my other present a silver crown that I had made for her from heavy paper and tinfoil. A week ago when my son and I “skyped,” Lily had covered herself with a blanket and said she was a queen. “Aha,” I thought she needs a crown. And so I googled BurgerKing to find a picture of the crown that’s displayed in their ads. I drew a copy of it and made a crown. I thought for sure that Lily would love it. But since a whole week had past, I guess she forgot all about being a queen ;-)

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

MY SILVER PEN

I have always carried a pen in my purse just in case I needed to write something down. And several years ago, I bought a pretty silver pen to keep in my purse. Unfortunately, instead of a zipper, my purse snaps shut and so there’s a little opening at either end where small things can possibly fall out.

Today when I stopped at the bank to cash a check I opened my purse to pull out the pen. But lo behold it was gone. I tried to think back over the last couple of days where I had been and when the pen might have dropped out. Alas, I feared I had lost it for good. Nevertheless, when I got back into my car, I decided to look on the floor and I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see my silver pen.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

LUNCH GUEST

Yesterday when I was on the phone talking to my neighbor, I mentioned that I planned to make sweet and sour cabbage soup today. I added that though it is a very simple and easy recipe, cutting up the cabbage is a real hassle. When she told me she had never eaten sweet and sour cabbage soup, without thinking I immediately said, “Well, why don’t you come over tomorrow and have some soup for lunch.” “Thank you, I would love to,” she replied.

Good grief, I thought. I am so busy for the next few days, I really don’t have time for a lunch guest, tomorrow. But, she is a good friend and I enjoy her company and no doubt we would have a nice time. Meantime, I know that somehow, all the work would get done and spending time with friends is more valuable than doing chores.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

BUSY DAY

I don’t know how I foolishly scheduled both a doctor’s appointment and a dentist appointment on the same day, but I did. Oh well, I had the dentist appointment at 10:00 and the doctor appointment at 1:00 and so be it, I had no choice.

I assumed I would be finished about 2:00 and since I had to purchase some vitamins, cosmetics, etc, I decided I would have time to stop at the drugstore before going home. But the doctor was later than I expected and she ordered a blood test. Thus, I didn’t leave the clinic until almost 3:00. I was tired and considered postponing my trip to the drugstore. But as I past it on the way home, I thought to myself, “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” Thus, I parked the car, went into the store, and spent another 45 minutes shopping.

So you can imagine that by the time I walked out of the drugstore and got home, I was exhausted !!!!

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EASTER SUNDAY

My health insurance company pays me $200 a year if I exercise at the health club a minimum of 10 times a month. And so every week as I plan my activities, I make sure I schedule 2 or 3 visits to the health club. Well this weekend, because I had stayed out late on Friday night, I planned to go to the club on Sunday instead of Saturday -- for my usual workout. But when I turned on the radio, as I woke up this morning, I heard some ‘bad’ news. The radio broadcaster made an announcement about the Pope leading an Easter service at the Vatican.

Oh my gosh !!!! Well, of course, the health would be closed today on Easter Sunday. How could I have been so thoughtless? Obviously, I’ll have to squeeze in an extra visit sometime during this next week. What a hassle, but I should have known better.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

ROBO-CALLS & DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS

I frequently receive “robo-calls” from non-profit organizations and politicians, but yesterday, I received “robo-calls” from both my doctor’s and dentist’s office as I have appointments on Tuesday to see both of them.

I appreciate the reminder calls, but they need to “get their act together.” I was not at home to answer either one of the calls, thus, the “robots” left messages on my answering machine. Stating the time and date of my appointment was helpful, but the “robot” then instructed me to press ‘1’ to confirm my appointment.

That is all well and good if I had taken the call personally. But I played the message on my answering machine instead and pushing the number 1 only resulted in activating the next call. Well that sure is stupid. What do they expect me to do now? Of course I will have to call the doctor’s and dentist’s office to assure them I will arrive for my appointment. But whoever recorded the “robo-call” should have provided a telephone number for the calls that did not get picked up by a human!!!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

MY INVESTMENT BROKER

This morning, my investment broker, June, called and asked me if I had called her last evening. Her call surprised me, because I have never call her at home only at her office. But I had in fact made several calls the night before and it dawned on me that without knowing it, one of the calls might have been to her.

I own a little real estate business where I call homeowners who are attempting to sell their own homes. I wish them good luck, but add if they ever decide to stop trying on their own and list with a real estate agent, I can recommend an excellent realtor at no charge to them. This in fact is true because instead of the owner paying me, the realtor pays me a finder’s fee when the house is sold. It’s not a bad business. I simply make some phone calls and collect anywhere from about $500 to a few thousand dollars!!!

And so by coincidence, the other night, one of the calls I made, unbeknownst to me was to June.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

HEALTH CLUB MEMBER

As I drove up to the library this afternoon, I noticed a woman I recognized walking towards the library. I reached the door at the same time she did and realized I knew her from the Health Club. I have often seen her swimming in the pool at the same time I swam.

I said, “Hello,” and asked if she planned on going to the health club after she finished at the library, as that’s what I planned to do. She replied yes, but she had a few errands to run before heading to the health club. By coincidence I also had to make another stop and would be at the club after picking up some groceries.

And lo and behold, an hour later we met again in the swimming pool. What a coincidence!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

WEBSITE TRAFFIC

Every webmaster anxiously tries to drive lots of traffic to their site. Of course, I’m no different and I frequently google keywords for my site to see on which page google has placed my site. I always hope www.FunnyPhotosContest.com will appear on the first page. Unfortunately for most searches I don’t even come close.

And so I decided to survey the contestants who send photos to my site to find out how they discovered the site. To my great surprise the four people who have responded so far all said, they found my site through a google search. Unbelievable!!! I didn’t know what kind of results I would receive from my survey, but the frosting on the cake came from one person who also wrote, “Your site is great. Really enjoy. Found your site on google when searched for funny photos contests. Keep up the great work.”

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .

STEVE H.

Recently when I talked to my friend Steve, I happened to mention that my daughter and her family would be coming to my house for the Passover seder. He kind of hinted that I should invite him. But I hadn’t purchased enough food so instead I invited him to come for lunch today and I would make fried matzoh (a mixture of matzoh fried with scrambled eggs), one of his favorites.

But yesterday as I was getting things together, I couldn’t help but wonder if Steve would actually show up. He does have a habit of canceling plans. And sure enough, I was right. The phone rang early this morning and Steve said he didn’t feel well and was going to urgent care to see a doctor. Oh well … less work for me.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .