MY T.V.

I keep my television set in my upstairs den. And since I rarely spend time in my den, I don’t watch T.V. In fact the last time I turned my set on was over a year ago in February 2009 when new technology forced me to buy a converter box to switch my old set to a digital system. But since I will have two high school friends staying with me in June and since we might want to watch a video, I decided last week that I better check it out.

I turned the set on and all I saw was “snow”. So I tried clicking the channel button again and again to find a channel that would display a picture and sound. In contrast to last year when I could view 6-7 channels, only one worked. I had no idea what the problem was and thought to myself, “Darn this modern technology. I’m too old to understand it.” At least I could call my daughter and she could tell me what to do. She patiently said, “Mom, now that you have a converter box, you must use its remote control rather than the buttons on the set and sure enough she was right.” Thank goodness for children.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

OIL SPILL

Radio and TV announcers are continually suggesting we boycott BP gas stations as a protest for the catastrophe they created in the Gulf of Mexico. And I certainly want those BP executives to feel the wrath we Americans hold by hitting them in their pocket book. But I also have a dilemma. For 40 years I have purchased gas at the same station and know the current, as well as the past owner, very well. He’s a nice guy and I would feel guilty taking my business elsewhere.

But yesterday when I discussed the problem with a friend she advised me that the small gas station owners are not to blame. Furthermore, it would be a shame to deprive them of their normal business. Her words eased my conscience and so, although I am very angry at BP, I will not stop trading at my local gas station. I just hope some other way turns up for me to demonstrate my fury at BP.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

U.S. JOBS SHIPPED OVERSEAS

My frustration has gotten the best of me and I complain loudly to anyone who will listen how much I hate the foreign workers (especially from Asia) who answer the telephone whenever I place a call for technical support or customer service. I cannot understand their foreign accents and when I ask them to please repeat what they said, they keep talking as if they don’t even hear me or pay attention to what I say. And I’m not alone as so many other people completely agree with me. In addition, I hate the wealthy C.E.O’s who deprive American workers of the jobs that get shipped overseas.

However, I learned yesterday that I am just as responsible. Someone finally told me, what I should have known all along, it is precisely because of me and people like me that the situation exists. Without those foreign workers, the cost of the products I want to buy would cost a great deal more. And as long as I want to pay the lowest amount possible, I can no longer complain about this problem or criticize the wealthy C.E.O.’s. Furthermore, in the future, I’ll stop acting so rude to those foreign workers. It’s not their fault, it is my selfishness and they deserve better treatment.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

RICK’S ANNIVERSARY

For years my son Rick’s forgetfulness has made me feel bad. He forgets to send me birthday cards, neglects to call me, and doesn’t respond to my emails. But an email yesterday from my daughter, Cathy, has lifted my sadness forever.

She called Rick on Wednesday to wish him a Happy Anniversary. Since the date Rick and Jen married coincides with her son Jared’s birthday, my daughter has no trouble remembering their anniversary. It’s also easy to remember as the wedding took place in Las Vegas on Friday May 26th during the 2006 Memorial Day weekend.

Happy Anniversary she said when Rick answered the phone. But Rick was dumfounded. He replied, “Oh, I thought it was Friday.” When Cathy told me of Rick’s response, I smiled and realized, if he forgets to wish his wife a happy anniversary, I don’t ever have to feel bad again. In addition, I laughed out loud when my daughter told me how she answered Rick, “I told him it changes days each year.” What was he thinking???

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OLD PAINT

A high school friend will be staying with me in June when we will be attending our class reunion. And so yesterday, I decided to get out my paintbrush and my old can of paint to paint some spots on my wall that need a little touching up. I had my house painted a number of years ago and luckily kept the left over white paint for just such occasions.

Unfortunately, without knowing it, I did not close the paint can tightly enough the last time I used it. Thus, when I pried open the lid, to my surprise and terrible disappointment I found that the paint had turned to stone. But all’s well that end’s well. Recently, I had a new front door installed on my condominium and my handyman had purchased a new can of white paint to paint the door. So, even though it’s not as perfect, it will have to do. In addition, I don’t have to worry about throwing away the old paint in an environmentally correct way. Since the paint is so hard, it is no longer toxic and I can just toss in with all my other garbage.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

I ALREADY READ IT

Eight years ago, I started listening to books on tape. Because I live alone, I can listen to the books all day long if I like -- while I’m getting dressed, cooking, cleaning, etc. Thus, I listen to three or four books a week which totals over a 1,000 books since I first began in 2002. Unfortunately, I neglected to keep a list of the books I’ve listened to. As a result, I have, more than once, put a tape in my recorder of a book I had already heard.

Lo and behold a couple of days ago, I once again began a book I had already “read”. But I didn’t recognize it at all. And not until I was half way through the book, did I finally recognize a particular event in the book. Furthermore, it seems to have been the only part of the book I recalled because I had no idea of how it ended. Oh well … I just hope I will remember not to read it again.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosCont
est.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WAUNAKEE BEAR

I could hardly believe my ears when the newscaster reported that the citizens in Waunakee, a small town only ten minutes from my house, had spotted a black bear in their city. What a shock! I immediately called my daughter, who lives in Waunakee, to learn more about the bear. My son-in-law answered the phone and told me that since the population of bears in northern Wisconsin has exploded, it is not uncommon for male bears to travel south looking for new territory.

Neither he nor my two grandsons had seen the bear, but they were about to go looking. Like all the others in the area, everyone was anxious to get a glimpse of the black bear.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

THE WIZARD

My family always enjoyed playing board games, cards, and card tricks. To this day I still enjoy those pastimes and I have even taught them to my children and grandchildren. There was one trick my parents taught me, however, that was exceptionally unique. They gave me a deck of cards and told me to pull one out. I showed the card to my Mom and then she went to the telephone, dialed a number, asked if “The Wizard” was there, then said she wanted to speak to the wizard. After a minute or two she said, “Would you please tell my daughter the card?” I was, needless to say stunned when the Wizard told me the card I was holding.

Over the years, I have enjoyed thrilling my friends with the trick and now my grandsons are doing the same. Recently, when my phone rang, I recognized the voice of my youngest grandson asking, “Is the Wizard there?” We finished the call and I knew my phone would ring several more times again, as my grandson’s friends would want to repeat the trick. But in the middle of the third call, my grandson screeched “OH NO?” He had accidentally hit the speaker-phone button and all his friends heard how the trick was played!

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FRUSTRATING TELEPHONE SUPPORT

I feel guilty that I lose my temper and get so angry. Actually the poor employee on the other end of the telephone is not to blame that I can’t understand his or her foreign accent. But it is just so frustrating that I can’t get the information I need and I have to waste so much time.

The people responsible for the problem are the greedy American CEO’s who ship all their jobs for telephone customer service and technical support oversees. Unfortunately foreigners have been replacing American workers for the past five to ten years. And it doesn’t seem like it will change anytime soon. But it’s a terrible shame. I’m sure I’m not the only one who shares my frustration. And even worse is that so many American citizens have lost their jobs and are unemployed.

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LEGAL MEDIATION

Times have certainly changed – lasers, computers, Ipads Kindles, etc. etc. But to my surprise, even the legal profession has changed. Years ago when my ex-husband and I divorced, we each had to hire separate attorneys to literally fight over the terms and conditions of the divorce.

But, I learned recently that they have developed a new, more civilized procedure. Now, one attorney acts as a mediator to resolve the entire procedure. As a result, it is easier and more amicable. Too bad it wasn’t available when I got divorced.

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STREET GANG

No doubt you have heard the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I certainly have. In fact, if he spoke these words to me once, my Father spoke them a million times and as always he was right. Recently, I read a book that clearly demonstrated this admonition. When I checked out the book, “Street Gang” from the library, I imagined vivid scenes of teen-agers fighting with knives and guns.

But the story to my complete surprise and sheer delight was the total opposite of what I expected. It told the history of a very unique and charming street gang -- a gang that will surely generates wonderful memories and bring a big smile to your face just thinking about it. It’s the gang you grew up with, Big Bird, the Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch, Kermit, Miss Piggy, Elmo, Mr. Hooper, etc. – the wonderful Sesame Street Gang !!! And if you haven’t yet read the book, you might want to hurry to the library to check it out, “Street Gang” by Michael Davis.

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HANDYMAN

I can’t believe how inconsiderate he is. Not only did he absentmindedly walk off with my screwdrivers and then neglect to call and let me know that he had them, but now he is putting off returning them to me. Several days after he installed my new smoke detectors I discovered my screwdrivers were missing. I immediately remembered that I let my handyman use them and realized he still had them.

No problem. I simply called to ask when he could return them and he replied tomorrow. Great I thought. But about 4:00 when he had still not appeared, I called again. “So sorry,” he said, “today has been crazy, but I’ll drop them off tomorrow morning.” I told him I would not be home, but to just leave them in the front door. Needless to say, I was not surprised to find there were no screwdrivers when I opened my front door.

And so I called again! “So sorry,” he said again, “I can’t find them, but I think they are on my dresser. I will bring them to you tomorrow.” Well, I am really irritated now. It’s not that I need the screwdrivers immediately, but his irresponsibility and lack of courtesy is annoying and I’m beginning to think I’ll never get them back. Granted I’m guessing he will replace them – after all he won’t want to lose my business, but these were very special. They formed the handle of my little hammer. When I unscrewed the handle, a regular screwdriver appeared. And lodged inside the screwdriver were two smaller ones. What a convenient little tool. And I want them back!!

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LUCKY BRIDE

All week long I checked the Internet for the weekend’s weather forecast. I feared possible rain for the Sunday. 12:00 noon wedding I would attend at a nearby park. Why are young people so impractical? There would always be a 50% chance of rain to ruin a perfectly wonderful occasion. Granted an outdoor wedding in a beautiful park would be lovely. But one could easily expect a cold, rainy day for May 2nd.

Throughout the week, the radio weatherman and the websites I viewed all vacillated between possible rain and sunshine for Sunday. Even as late as Saturday afternoon, the forecast predicted Saturday evening showers that would end by noon on Sunday. And since you can never trust the weatherman, it was not looking good.

But I awoke on Sunday to a beautiful day with pleasant temperatures and a clear sky. The bride was in deed very lucky. Her wedding and reception were beautiful. Not a drop of rain fell … until the end of the day, when the weather reports came true and the rain began.

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