ROUND RED LABELS

In my continuous quest to inexpensively advertise my website, I had 4,000 bookmarks printed. To save money, I had them printed in black and white, but planned to decorate each one with two small, round, red labels to make the bookmarks more attractive. But what a shock when I went to the store and found the labels cost over $56! Although I bought them, I asked the clerk if I could return them in case I didn’t use them all and was relieved when he said yes.

Driving home from the store, I started thinking about ways to buy cheaper red labels. And then it occurred to me. The internet of course, perhaps Ebay.com. Sure enough I did find red dots for less money. The site www.labelsonline.com sold the red labels for $34 including shipping. Once again, I found what I wanted on the Internet. Makes you wonder, “How did we get along without the Internet?”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LENDING MONEY

About a month ago, my daughter and son-in-law asked to borrow money from me to expand their business. Of course I said yes as my parents had always generously given me money. At the same time, I couldn’t help but think of the aphorism, “When you lend money to a family member or friend, consider it a gift as they might never repay you.” Nevertheless, I lent the money anyway, even though they asked for an amount that exceeded what I felt comfortable with

But in the past few days several events have occurred that (because I am a bit superstitious) are like omens reassuring me everything will be fine. The money I have given away seems to be coming back. I received a letter in the mail from the Social Security Office stating that I will receive an additional $250 check in May. I will also receive in May, a $100 check from my insurance company as a reward for exercising a minimum of 10 times a month for the past six months. In addition, my credit awards 2% money back on all my purchases and whenever the amount reaches $50, they send me a check for the full amount. Not only that, yesterday when I went for my annual mammogram, the technician asked if I would participate in a study. Sure I said and when I finished she gave me an envelope containing $25.

Amazing, I thought, in May an unexpected $425 will fall into my life -- just like another well know aphorism, “Cast your bread on the water and it will come back cake.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY CONDOMINIUM

I live in a condominium of only 4-units. All four units are owned by women and we get along quite well. But one of the owners, Laurie the treasurer, is quite negative and often complains or brings up objections to new proposals. Well today takes the cake. When I called Laurie about Bill the man who has installed new doors on our building, she made me exceedingly angry. And so I sent her this message.

Laurie
I have written the following draft email to the owners in our building. But since, I do not like mailing correspondence when I am so angry, I am giving you the courtesy of reading it first, before I email it. Alternatively, if you would like to write a withdrawal slip to pay Bill $1250-$1500, I will delete the email.
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Hi Owners,

Bill called me this morning and asked if we could send him a partial payment for the work he has done on our doors. But when I talked to Laurie about it, she hung up on me.

Bill has finished Brenda’s and my doors and we are both happy with the work he has done. Bill has asked Laurie when he can return to re-do her door as it needs adjusting. Laurie does not like the work he has done and I suggested she should call someone else to fix it and we will not pay Bill for the work he did on her door. However, because Bill did not require an upfront 50% down payment that most companies do, I called Laurie about at least sending him a partial payment of $1250 - $1500 ($500 per door for labor on Brenda’s and my doors and $167 per entry door). When he sends a final bill we will pay the balance.

I think we should have a meeting and vote for a new treasurer.

JoAnn

GREAT NEWS

First thing this morning, I called the ambulance company to inquiry about the $709 bill I received for my ambulance ride to the hospital on Dec. 30, 2008. “Could you please explain why Medicare or my supplemental insurance policy will not cover the cost?” I asked. And lo and behold the employee told me to look at the bottom of the letter I received. It should say, “This is an invoice, not a bill!”

“Hurrah,” I replied when I read the statement, “I don’t have to pay you $709.” Well, at least for the time being anyway. The correspondence they sent simply let me know they had submitted a claim to Medicare and were waiting for the decision. Medicare may of course reject the bill and I will eventually have to pay the amount. But for the time being the ambulance company won’t get my money.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

AMBULANCE

I couldn’t believe it! The bill read $709.

On Dec. 30, 2008, I had experienced 3 strange, little blackouts during the day lasting about a minute. By 9:00 in the evening, I became concerned. What if I had a few mini strokes? And so, I googled strokes and learned that a patient should get to the hospital right away in the case of a stroke. The first episode occurred about 2:30 and over six hours had passed. Guess I better hurry to the hospital, I thought. I quickly packed a few things, including my laptop, cause who knew how long I might be in the hospital, and called 911.

The ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital. The doctor performed a couple tests but fortunately could find nothing wrong. He attributed the occurrences to an altered mental state, told me to schedule a follow-up appointment in April, and then sent me home. I followed his advice and had an MRI, plus an ultra-sound which both showed no problems.

Of course I was relieved and shouldn’t complain. But the bill I received from the ambulance company, $709, was a total shock. I had expected that Medicare and my supplemental insurance policy would cover it, though obviously they didn’t. And so you can bet that first thing tomorrow morning I’ll make a few calls to inquire. However, I can only guess they will reinforce what I already know. I owe $709. Next time I’ll call a taxicab.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GOOD BOOK

Recently I started reading “The Longest Trip Home” by John Grogan. Of course, I love a well-written book with a well-crafted story and this author certainly shines. Although I must admit that when reading a book, I seldom pay attention to the author’s names. And so to my surprise, I discovered midway through the book that I recognized the author.

He mentions, in the book, that shortly after his wedding, he and his wife bought a high-spirited Labrador dog named Marley. Good grief I thought, I know Marley. I read all about him in the book, “Marley and Me.” And I immediately realized, the journalist in “The Longest Trip Home” who worked for newspaper in Florida was the same journalist in “Marley.” But as much as I like the book I am currently reading, I can guarantee you I will not go see the movie, if one is made. I saw the movie, “Marley and Me” after I read the book. And though the movie was good, it could never equal the book.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CELL PHONE

Not long ago, when I called a friend she refused to talk to me. She asked if I was using my cell phone in my car. When I said, “Yes.” She responded, “Call me when you get home as I won’t talk to you while you are driving.” Fine I thought, I’ll just call someone else.

But it happened again. Another friend called me today and said, I received your call on Tuesday, but since you were on your cell phone, and I assumed in your car, I wouldn’t answer it.” He contends that the cell phone creates a safety issue as the driver has only one hand on the steering wheel.

I know they are probably right. But I hate to admit, I will probably continue talking on my cell phone as I’m driving. Like all other culprits, I believe, “It will never happen to me.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INKSELL.COM

I don’t print often. In fact, most of the time, I print only envelopes with my return address for my www.FunnyPhotosContest.com website. The address on the envelope appears with the colors red, yellow, and blue. But last evening when I began printing more envelopes, I immediately saw with dismay, that the red printed as a very light yellow and the yellow could hardly be seen at all.

I had purchased new print cartridges in December from inksell.com as I have done for several years. And so, I couldn’t imagine why they didn’t work. When I took the color cartridge out of the printer I noticed an expiration date of Aug. 2006. Aha, I thought, they sent me a defective cartridge and I would surely call first thing in the morning to complain. I hoped of course they would send me a new cartridge.

The representative I spoke with was very polite and when I told her about the date, she explained that it did not reflect the cartridge’s effectiveness as it was refurbished. But what can I do I inquired? It seems that the cartridge might be clogged and so she instructed me to soak the bottom half in warm water for about three hours and then it should work. I agreed I would try, but then further queried her as to what I should do, if that failed. No problem she replied we will send you a new one. Inksell.com is lucky they have a good customer service policy and qualified employees. I am again a happy customer and will continue purchasing print cartridges from inksell.com.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

UNDERDOG

I can remember so clearly enjoying the 1980’s movie “Karate Kid,” about a junior high, weakling who learns karate and changes the course of his fate. It seems universal that many of us thrill to see the “underdog” succeed. Of course, it was a fictitious movie. But in the last 10 days, the world has discovered a real life “underdog” and the excitement has been phenomenal.

An overweight, frumpy, 47 year old lady auditioned for the television talent show, “Britain’s Got Talent”. When she walked out on the stage, the crowd eagerly waited for her performance so that they could hoot and boo at her. But what a shock, the music started, and she began singing, I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. The audience was dumbstruck and instead of booing they exploded with thunderous applause and a standing ovation, to hear the beautiful voice of Susan Boyle.

I did not view the television show, but like 30 million other people, I watched the video of her performance on YouTube.com. I was enchanted by her voice and enjoyed watching the response of both the judges and the audience. In fact, I have watched it several times with a lump in my throat each time.

Since her audition, she has been interviewed by Larry King and numerous morning news shows, she has been the topic of many news stories around the world, and the paparazzi is close by her side. It’s incredible. But perhaps we are all cheering for her, the underdog, because we all feel like the underdog at sometime or other and perhaps we can all hope to succeed as well.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BOOKMARKS

I’m always trying to figure out a good way to advertise my website without spending too much money. Thus, recently, I decided to create some small flyers and ask several store-keepers if they would pass them out to their customers. In return, I would put a banner ad of their business at the top of one of my website pages.

I told a friend of mine, a graphic artist, about the idea and she offered to design it for me. I was pleased, of course, and invited to take her out to lunch in return. Several days later, she sent me her design and I was absolutely thrilled. She had cleverly created terrific looking bookmarks. What a great idea I thought and how very clever. The receiver could put my advertisement to good use and in addition be continually reminded of my website.

I called Kinkos, and was pleasantly surprised to learn it would cost me about $130 for 4,000 bookmarks – not bad, only four cents apiece. Now all I have to do is wait to see how successful this new strategy will be.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ARCH SUPPORTS

Four hundred dollars…what a shock. Six years ago, a physical therapist said I needed arch supports for my very flat feet. And she didn’t mean the inexpensive type you can buy at a shoe or drug store, but the orthotics that a doctor prescribes. I made an appointment with a podiatrist, had him make a mold of my feet, and luckily didn’t pay a penny as my insurance covered the cost.

But recently, I realized that arch supports don’t last forever and I needed to replace mine with new ones. Once again, I called to make an appointment. This time however, I received quite a shock. The new orthotics would cost me $400. When I bought my first pair, the insurance policy with my former employer covered the cost. Unfortunately, I no longer have that policy. I turned 65 and decided to purchase a Medicare supplement, as I thought it would cover most of my needs.

Well that’s what I get when I don’t read the fine print. Nevertheless, if I divide the $400 over the past six years, it’s only about $5.50 a month!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

RUDE EMPLOYEES

Rude, self-righteous employees drive me crazy, especially when they are wrong like the one I spoke to yesterday. A few weeks ago, I decided to add my two adult children to one of my investments accounts as joint owners. The company, Dreyfus, told me that during the transfer process I could not write any checks. I would have to wait until I received my new checkbook and checks. I didn’t have a problem with that as I seldom touch the account.

However, a few days ago, my son-in-law asked if he could borrow several thousand dollars to expand his business. I agreed and then called Dreyfus to ask when I would receive my new checks. The customer representative I spoke with said I should receive them within two weeks. Since my son-in-law needed the money next week, I asked if she could please send me an extra book right away. “No,” she replied, “we cant do that as we just sent you new checks.” I then asked if perhaps she could electronically transfer money to my local bank. Again she said no because I did not have any bank listed with her company.

At this point I became very angry. Just two weeks ago, when I initiated the change to my account, I confirmed my bank account number with the Dreyfus Company. Thus, when the rep continued refusing my requests, I insisted on speaking to her supervisor. She put me on hold and it seemed like I waited an interminable 5 to 10 minutes. I have no doubt my blood pressure rose 100 points. Finally, she came back on the line and would you believe she said, “We will overnight a batch of checks to you immediately!!!”

The next day when I told my daughter about my encounter, she taught me a very good lesson. “Mom, you should just hang up and call back. Another, more qualified customer representative will answer the phone and surely give you better service.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

EBAY

For the last several years my daughter, son-in-law, and two grandsons have bought and sold many things on Ebay.com -- X-Box games, jewelry, Univ. of Wisconsin Badger football tickets, and cosmetics. Although she has been very happy with her purchases, I had no interest in purchasing second hand merchandise from people who were totally foreign to me.

Recently I happened to mention to my daughter that the drugstore no longer carried the hair color I needed and the website that carried my favorite eye cream had doubled its price. Once again she encouraged me to buy what I needed on Ebay for much lower prices than retail stores. In addition she said, “The products aren’t second hand, but factory seconds.” Well, I thought, I might as well try. And so I opened an account on Ebay and not only found the hair color I needed, for a reduced price, but in addition I did not have to pay a shipping charge.

I’m now a strong supporter of Ebay and amazed at the modern technology of the 21st century. What could be better, it’s inexpensive, is shipped right to my door, and I pay for it with my PayPal account.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FALLING APART

September will mark 30 years since I moved into my condominium. It also marks the start of lots of repairs – which of course comes with the territory. Luckily, a friend recently gave me the name of a great handyman, Ray, who is spending a lot of time here.

For years, I have cleaned my clogged bathroom sink with Drano. But recently, even Drano couldn’t do the job. Ray had to clean out the pipe below my sink. When he finished, I told him that for years, rain has leaked into my basement and no one has been able to fix it. Voilla…Ray found a couple of holes where water could easily seep in and he plugged them up.

But that’s not all. The other day as I prepared for dinner guests, my garbage disposal broke. And yes, you guessed it, I called Ray who will pick up a new disposal for me and install it today. Thank goodness for Ray, but I can only wonder what will happen next.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

M.R.I.

The last time I had an M.R.I., Magnetic Resonance Imaging, was in 1998. But I have very little memory of it and so yesterday when I underwent another M.R.I., it felt like a completely new experience. The technician immediately gave me earplugs to minimize the loud noises I would hear. Since I would have to lie on my back for about 45 minutes, she put a pillow under my knees, gave me a button to press in case I needed to call her, laid a blanket over me, and placed a plastic mask (similar to the football type masks) over my face. Next she began rolling the table (with me lying on top of it) into the M.R.I., a large round tube. As I had heard many people feel claustrophobic in the tube, I immediately closed my eyes and decided not to open them until the end of the test.

The test and the noises then began. The loud noise I heard sounded like a jackhammer. Good grief I thought what would it sound like without the earplugs? At times the noise changed to a tornado siren or washing machine. Occasionally the technician said something to me, but I could barely hear her other than the words 5 or 10 minutes. With my body immobilized and my eyes closed I thought what could I do for the next 45 minutes. Not much of course other than meditate. And so I began deep breathing and the next thing I knew the test was over – hopefully for another 10 years.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INSULATION

People often like to obtain a third opinion for medical problems, insurance quotes, real estate decisions, etc. etc. Well let me tell you, I strongly recommend a third opinion for attic insulation concerns. One of the owners of the four unit, townhouse condominium in which I live, took a photo of our building last winter. She showed me that snow covered the entire roof except my unit. “You should have your insulation checked,” she advised and so I did. The home inspector I called looked at my attic and said, “You’re fine. You have the required amount of insullation.”

Luckily my neighbor was skeptical and encouraged me to get a couple more opinions. And so once again, I followed her advice. The next man who looked at my attic found that parts of it were adequately insulated, but much of the rest needed more insulation. He also said I needed to fix the venting. Interesting I thought and I anxiously awaited the third opinion. Lo and behold, the last man not only agreed that my attic needed more insulation and the venting need improvements, but he discovered an additional problem. The firewall that separates my unit from my neighbor had no insulation what so ever. I moved into my condo 30 years ago and over the years, the original insulation in the wall had blown away. No wonder I had high heating bills.

It’s only April and I won’t see a significant difference in my heating costs for months. But I had no trouble deciding whom I should hire. And meantime, I am very grateful to my neighbor. Without her keen observation, I would continue to waste lots of money on heating a hungry attic.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

VOLUNTEER DINNER

Since 2002, as a volunteer tutor, I have taught many senior citizens at the local senior center how to use their computers. I have enjoyed meeting and helping many wonderful people. And like other volunteers the joy of assisting someone provides a very special personal reward. But the local senior center goes one step further.

Every year in spring they invite all the volunteers to a volunteer appreciation dinner. As I always enjoy any meal I do not have to cook or pay for, I have attended the dinners each year. The food is always good and the entertainment enjoyable. In addition, I always like the opportunity to meet other volunteers. This year there were a record number of 130 people attending. Had all the volunteers shown up there would have been 250 people. But what is most interesting is that almost every volunteer who serves the Center’s senior citizens is himself/herself a “Senior Citizen”.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FACEBOOK

It seems like all of a sudden, FaceBook.com has become a national craze. Hundreds of thousands of people are setting up FaceBook accounts and inviting everyone they know to become a “friend”. I created my own FaceBook account about three years ago, when I thought it might provide a good avenue for advertising my website, www.FunnyPhotosContest.com. Unfortunately, it didn’t and so I have rarely looked at the site since.

However, in the past several weeks, I have received numerous emails from my children, high school friends, and college friends inviting me to “be their friend”. This peeked my curiosity and so once again, I checked it out. Although, I will probably not spend much time sending messages or writing on a friend’s wall, I thoroughly enjoy reading my children’s profiles. I’m learning things about them I might otherwise never have found out. I wonder if they have heard the experts warnings to young people, “Don’t put anything on the web that you wouldn’t want your Mother to see !!!!”

PASSOVER

Passover starts on Wednesday evening and I always start preparing early as there is always so much to do. But this year I had a dilemma. Traditionally, the seder plate must contain a shank bone or a chicken neck. Thus, in the past I always made sure that weeks in advance I would save a chicken neck from a whole chicken I had cooked. But now-a-days, the large grocery store chains seldom sell whole chickens. Instead, they stock mostly prepackaged thighs and legs, breasts, or wings. Luckily, I found a small butcher shop that would sell me just a chicken neck and so for the last several years I had no problem.

But yesterday when I called the Butcher, I learned they currently have only chicken necks attached to the chicken backs. But what would I do with the back? I told my daughter and she simply said, “Mom, why don’t you just buy a thigh from Kentucky Fried Chicken and use that?” “Oh, but I couldn’t,” I replied. Later I talked to an elder cousin and asked her what to do. Much to my surprise, she gave me the same answer. “Just use any chicken bone,” she said, “it really doesn’t matter.”

Nevertheless, it just doesn’t seem quite right. But I’m easing my conscience with the knowledge that I will as always follow a couple traditions. I’ll use the recipe my Aunt Pauline gave me for her delicious brisket and I’ll bake her wonderful sponge cake from scratch, using potato starch and nine eggs.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SELLING ON THE INTERNET

When I initially launched my website, I had grandiose hopes of making millions of dollars - haha. But three years later, my costs far exceed my income. Nevertheless, I won’t give up and maybe my latest idea will prove profitable.

Although I have attempted to sell t-shirts on my site through www.cafepress.com, not even one person has purchased any of the t-shirts that display the best of my contestant’s photos. But yesterday a new idea occurred to me. A friend of mine, an excellent graphic artist, might consider designing some really great t-shirts to sell on my site. It would give her an opportunity to make some money and I would simply ask her for a small percentage of her earnings. I also have another artist friend who paints, makes jewelry, and creates other artistic knick-knacks. Perhaps she would also like to sell her things on my website and again, I would only ask for a small percentage of her earnings.

Neither friend was home when I tried calling them to offer my business proposal. So I have no idea of how they will react. But it’s worth a try and maybe I’ll finally start making some money.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FOOD PROCESSOR

A few years ago, I tasted delicious mock chop liver at a friend’s house. I enjoyed it so much, I asked for the recipe and rushed out to buy a small food processor for $40. I immediately made my own and ate it all up. However, a long time passed before I again made another batch. But when I fried the onions, boiled the eggs, poured all the ingredients in the processor, and then turned on the machine, nothing happened. To fix the problem, I tried twisting the cover tighter and tighter. Still, the motor wouldn’t start.

Obviously, the food processor was broken. But I had to take the mock chop liver to a party that night, so I went to the store to buy a new one. Luckily, I had seen a recent Walgreen’s advertisement for a larger processor priced at only $15. I quickly bought it, carried it home, and made sure the cover was tightly secured in order to finish making my hor dourve.

Unfortunately, I could not return my other food processor as it was out of warranty. But a few days after buying my new machine, I made an important discovery. It dawned on me that I had concentrated so hard on tightening the cover of my first processor, it never occurred to me to check the base. Surely that was my mistake. It probably had to be tightened as well. And so when I once again assembled my original machine correctly, it worked !!!

Now what would I do with two food processors. I offered it to my daughter, but she didn’t need it. So I put it on my top shelf and forgot about it until recently when I had a craving for humus. I bought a can of garbanzo beans, plugged in my Walgreen’s food processor, and then realized it was too big for just one can of beans. At that moment, I knew immediately what I would do with my two appliances – the big one for mock chop liver and the small one for humus.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.