MY NEIGHBOR EILEEN

She has never sent me a Christmas card and so it should have surprised me to find one in my mailbox this year. However, my neighbor Eileen must have felt guilty and knew that she owned me an apology. Last week when we had six inches of snow, she called me to complain that the Bruce Company had done a terrible job of plowing her driveway and she insisted that they come back and plow her driveway again.

As President of our condominium association I expect calls like this and earlier that same day I received a request to contact the plowers to return and salt our slippery roadway which I immediately did. But Eileen’s call puzzled me as the roadway and driveways all looked plowed to me when I looked out my window. However, as I couldn’t see Eileen’s drive directly I called another neighbor who lives next to Eileen and learned that the drive had in fact been plowed but the wind had created some drifts.

Thus, I called the plowing company and then called Eileen back as I had promised to do. But when her husband, Takis, answered he started shouting at me that the company had done a terrible job and he was not going to pay his share. At the same time, I heard Eileen voice in the background saying, “Takis, I just took a look at it and it’s not that bad. I can take care of it as there really isn’t that much.” Obviously, when she called me earlier, she herself had not looked at the driveway and simply accepted her husbands rant about their supposedly snow-packed driveway.

Well, I was perturbed and politely said so before ending the call. Obviously, she got the message, because the next day she sent an email explaining the “confusion”, as she called it, and a few days later sent the Christmas card I received.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY ANNIVERSARY

You would think that after 41 years as a divorcee, I would have forgotten the date of my wedding anniversary. But no, every Dec 17^th, when I see the date on my calendar it reminds me that my ex-husband and I said our wedding vows on this day. We were college students and married during the Christmas vacation before we both graduated in January, 1962.

Our marriage lasted only seven years, before he met another woman whom he wanted to marry. I had always thought my marriage would last forever and so when we separated and divorced it disappointed me that I would never celebrate a 25^th or 50^th wedding anniversary. I also never expected that I would in fact have a 25^th anniversary of being divorced and in only a few more years, a 50^th anniversary of being divorced. Although I never remarried, as I assumed I would, I’m actually glad. I have enjoyed the last four decades and have no regrets.

And so today, Dec. 17^th, I once again remembered my wedding anniversary. Although, I think I can say without doubt that my ex-husband hasn’t the slightest memory that we were married 41 years ago on this date.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INQUIRY FROM ITALY

When I began operating my website, I had expectations of receiving lots of interesting photos, working on the site a few hours a week and making lots of money. But I was wrong. Although I do receive great photos, I work on the site many more hours than I had anticipated and instead of making money I have lost money. Nevertheless, the site has brought me many hours of pleasure and some very fascinating experiences.

Although the Internet connects the entire world, it didn’t occur to me that my site would reach contestants in foreign countries. But indeed people have sent me photos from S. Africa, Japan, England, the Philippines, Russia, Ireland, etc. And yesterday when I opened my email, someone from Italy wrote to ask if he/she could enter the contest. What a delight. Here I am a little, old grandma sitting in my dining room, operating a website from my laptop computer, and people from as far away as Italy have found my site and want to participate in my contest. What will they think of next?

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ICY SIDEWALK

When I awoke on Monday morning, I knew I would have to throw salt on my front sidewalk. A huge blizzard on Sunday dropped six inches of snow on the ground. Thus, I needed to make sure my guests on Monday afternoon wouldn’t fall on a slippery sidewalk. However, I have trouble with my balance and so I did not look forward to the task at hand.

Nevertheless, I grabbed the salt from my closet and bundled up in my warm jacket. I opened my front door and stepped gingerly onto the sidewalk. I took baby steps and moved forward slowly fearing each step I took. At the same time I kept wishing that someone might come along and offer to help. But there was no one in sight. Still… you know what they say, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Within a couple of minutes a truck pulled up to my curb and a nice looking, young man hopped out and asked if he could help me. I couldn’t believe my eyes and a huge smile spread over my face. I said to him, “Thank you sooooo much. And when you are finished, please knock on my door. I have some homemade chocolate cookies for you.” I greatly appreciated this young man’s kindness and I hope he enjoyed my treat.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY CHANUKAH MIRACLE

I look forward to Chanuka every year – giving gifts to the grandchildren, having dinner with the family, and eating lots and lots of latkes. But I don’t look forward to making the potato pancakes! Each year I try, in vain, to make perfect pancakes or at least better ones than the year before. But it’s a struggle.

My Mother, G-d rest her soul, made great latkes. However, she cooked them while we ate dinner, jumping up from the table every few minutes to turn over the potato pancakes or to bring us a fresh, hot batch. I, on the other hand, wanted to sit with my family during dinner. This meant I had to fry my latkes before my guests arrived. Unfortunately, well you know how the saying goes, “The best-laid plans of mice and men……”

The first time, I made potato pancakes, I decided to fry them early in the afternoon, place them on paper towels to absorb the oil, and then put them in the oven at a low temperature to keep them warm until dinner. It seemed like a good idea, but when I pulled them out of the oven I looked with dismay at my pitiful latkes. They had turned black! The following year, after I finished frying the latkes, I put them in the refrigerator instead. I was delighted that upon reheating them, they didn’t turn black. But, I hadn’t turned the oven temperature high enough and we ate luke-warm potato pancakes.

Another year I decided to simply buy my latkes from the Pancake House. It certainly was a lot less work, the house didn’t reek of oil, and they tasted good. But, still, they weren’t as tasty as my Mother’s recipe. And then a friend told me that when she lived in Chicago, she bought potato pancakes at a Polish market. The pancakes were packed on their sides, in an upright position, in a bread pan. And the instructions were to reheat them at 425 degrees for 10 minutes. Great I thought I could do that and lo and behold I finally made a decent batch of latkes for my family. Though, bless their hearts they always said, “Oh Mom, they’re fine.”

Thus, this year I was prepared to enjoy a “stress-free” Chanukah. I even bought Yukon Gold potatoes so that I didn’t have to peel them. But when I took the oil out of my cupboard, I was irritated to discover that I only had a small amount of oil left in the jar. I quickly drove to the nearby PDQ to buy more and began again as soon as I returned home. I grated the potatoes, squeezed out all the excess water (the trick for really good latkes), heated the pan, and started frying the latkes.

When I finally finished making the potato pancakes, washing the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen, I breathed a sigh of a relief. But as I replaced the cover on my bottle of oil, a huge smile broke over my face. A small amount of oil remained in the bottom. I had thought I wouldn’t have enough oil, but what a coincidence…..I did.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

“THE TOWN”

I don’t see many movies these days, though I do enjoy them and use to go to the movies often. But today a friend and I had lunch together and saw the film, “The Town.” The movie about bank robbers and starring Ben Affleck was very good and when I told my daughter about it, she said she also saw it and enjoyed it too.

Earlier this week when I made plans to go to the movies, my friend and I couldn’t decide whether to see “The Town” or “Wall Street.” But when we got to the theater, we discovered “Wall Street” was no longer playing. So much for our dilemma. The choice was made for us and luckily it was a good one.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

UNITY HEALTH INSURANCE

My health insurance company pays me $100 every six months, if I workout at my health club 10 times a month or a total of 60 times in six months. Since I pay $600 a year to belong to the club, I make very sure I exercise enough to collect $200 a year. Well, today I called my insurance company to ask when I would receive my latest check. “I’m sorry,” the representative replied, “You only worked out 59 times during the last six months.” “What,” I exclaimed! I was shocked. I keep track on my calendar of every time I workout at the health club and my records showed 60 times. She looked through her records and found only 9 visits for me in June.

So I contacted my health club and explained my predicament. I read each date I had been at the health club in June to the accountant I spoke with. And luckily he was very cooperative and said they would send the “missed” date to my insurance company so that I could in fact receive my $100 check. Thank goodness.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY TELEPHONE BUTTONS

This morning, I wanted to call Viactiv, the company that manufactures the chewable calcium tablets I take daily. I checked the label to find a telephone number and found their 800 number. I was glad that I could easily call them, however, the number was 888-VIACTIV. I much prefer numbers to words / letters as I can easily push the buttons on my phone with nothing more than a quick glance.

And so as I dialed the number I had to look very carefully at each button on the phone to find the letters V, I, etc. However, I had trouble finding the “T”, because the letters T-U-V on the 8 button were worn away and hard to read. How weird I thought and wondered why that button had faded. And then it dawned on me. My daughter’s telephone number is 850-5508. I dial her number often, pressing the 8-key twice, to talk to her and my two grandsons. Thus, the constant tapping on that key has wiped away the letters. Too bad, I hadn’t programmed her telephone number on my phone. But then again, I don’t know how.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CALCIUM PHOSPHATE

When I call a company to ask a question about their product, I expect that they will answer my question. And so when I called Viactiv the company that manufactures the chewable vitamin calcium supplement I take everyday, I couldn’t believe that the person I spoke with had no reply. I asked if the tablet contained calcium citrate, carbonate, or phosphate. Since she didn’t know, she put me on hold to ask her supervisor. But she reported back to me that her supervisor didn’t know the answer either. In addition, she did not provide any alternative for finding the answer.

Well, that was just not acceptable. I needed to know what kind of calcium I was taking and certainly they had a responsibility to inform me. . Thus I said, “Someone must know, perhaps the manufacuter, and so please tell me who I can call for further information.” Finally, she took my name and telephone number and told me someone would get back to me. Luckily, she gave me a confirmation number and you can be sure, I will pursue this matter.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

COOKING OIL

Ever since I moved into my first apartment, I have always kept a grocery list in my top kitchen drawer. Whenever, an item in my kitchen became half empty, I added it to my grocery list so that I could buy a replacement immediately and thus, never run out. This has served me well over the years and I have rarely been left short of an ingredient that I needed.

However, today when I began to start cooking my Chanukah latkes (potato pancakes) to serve at dinner to my family, I discovered, I had very little oil left in the bottle on my shelf. Of course that meant I had to quickly run out to the store to buy more. Luckily the PDQ store is only a few blocks away and it only took about 15 minutes. As it turned out, the oil I had on hand was sufficient and I didn’t open the new bottle. Nevertheless, I had to buy the extra oil as I didn’t dare take a chance of running out in the middle of frying all those delicious latkes.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FIRST SNOW

Today is Dec. 4th and we had our first snow of the season last night. The date of the first snow is always a surprise. Some years it occurs as early as October and others as late as January. Either way I don’t mind. Although many people hate winter, it doesn’t bother me.

Years ago, my Father-in-law shared his word s of wisdom, “Winter is only 2 months long.” He explained that the worst of winter – the most snow and the severest cold – lasts from Dec. 15th to Feb. 15th. And he was absolutely right. Although we occasionally experience pretty cold temperatures and some deep snow falls in March and sometimes April, after Feb 15th the storms and low temperatures are fewer and far between, the days grow longer, and spring is not far behind.

And so when winter arrives, I take it in stride. In fact, for me the worst starts Jan. 2nd rather than Dec. 15th, because the two weeks before New Year’s Eve are so busy with holiday festivities the time flies by quickly. And best of all Dec. 21st is my favorite day of the year … it’s the winter solstice and the days start getting longer.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

REAL ESTATE LICENSE

In the mid 70’s, I studied for the real estate exam, received my license, and sold real estate for 3 years. But even after I changed careers, I continued to pay the yearly license fee and attend the required education courses to maintain my licenses. At the same time, I remember a cousin, who gave up his license, asking why I wasted my time and money on a license I may never again use. Although I knew he was probably right, I kept it anyway because I had worked hard to get it and who knew if maybe someday I might just wish I had it.

Sure enough, I’m glad I kept it. In the late 90’s when I attended a mandatory class, the instructor, a real estate broker, told everyone in the class, that since we all had licenses, he could pay us a referral fee of 20% if we recommend people to him who had houses to sell. A short time later a high school friend who moved away, happened to call and ask me the name of a good realtor to sell her Mother’s home. Of course, I recommended the instructor / broker and when the house was sold, I received a check for $760. Not bad earnings for a single phone call!!!!

Now almost 40 years later, my license is paying off. I recently started calling local homeowners who have advertised their houses for sale on Craigslist. My intent is to convince them to list their home with a real estate agent I recommend so that I can collect the referral fee. Although, most people will say no, all it takes is one person and lo and behold, last night a nice guy was the first one to say, “YES.”

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BURSITIS

When my cousin visited me last month, I happened to mention that I was having a pain in my side. He then mentioned that his wife also had the same problem and the doctor told her she had bursitis. Hmmmm, I thought maybe I too had bursitis. I decided to search google for exercises that would remove the pain. Sure enough, I found a good one that did indeed make the pain go away.

I continued the exercise for a week or two and when I felt better I stopped. However, when the pain came back yesterday, I had to resume the exercise. But I also decided that when I do my morning exercises, I better include on a daily basis the one for bursitis.

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BROKEN RIB

On Monday I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. But while I was sitting on the toilet, a hair clip fell out of my hair and when I bent to pick it up, I lost my balance because I was half asleep. The next thing I knew I hit my side on the edge of the bathtub. What a bummer. But I simply got back in bed and fell back to sleep.

However, the next morning, my side really hurt. Oh dear I thought, I must have cracked a rib. Of course there is little to do about a broken rib, but wait a few weeks for it to heal. In the meantime, I wrapped an ace bandage around me and took some Ibuprofen to help ease the pain a bit. Of course, I had to change my plans for the day. I certainly could not swim at the health club!!!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.