BRIDGE PARTNER

Until my Mom moved to Las Vegas two years ago, she and I played duplicate bridge for almost 40 years. We enjoyed the game and played once or twice a week. Of course we loved to win, but since we didn’t take the game seriously we didn’t care if we came in last. We had fun anyway, knowing we might always do better next time.

Now that I play with new partners I don’t enjoy the game as much. Several of the players hate to lose and thus criticize my playing to place the blame on me. Yesterday, during our game and on our drive home my partner kept “hashing” over my mistakes. Of course, it was unpleasant, but it also irritated me because she too made mistakes, though hers were never discussed. On top of that she told me several times to stop interrupting her, even though she continually interrupted me.

I can easily put an end to this unpleasantness, by simply giving up bridge. But since it’s a fascinating game and I do want to continue playing, I’ll have no right to complain.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ANNINVERSARY

Today is Dec. 30th, a day that has always been very special for me. But this year I am very sad. My Mom and Dad were married on Dec. 30, 1937 and every year, I always sent them a very special and very sentimental anniversary card. My Dad always said, “You don’t need to buy me a present. All I want is a nice card as it is the thought more than the present that counts.” And so I carefully searched for a card that would touch his heart. And though I knew he would like it, I also knew it would bring tears to his eyes, because my Dad was a very sentimental guy.

But my Dad died in 1996, and for the past 13 years my Mom has been very sad when her anniversary arrived. My sister and I just let the day pass and I wonder now if we shouldn’t have asked Mom, if there was anything special she might like on that day. However, now it is my turn to be sad as my Mom died last February. When I looked at the calendar this morning, my first thought turned to my Mom and Dad and their anniversary. And as I sit and type these words, I glance wistfully at a photo of my parents. I loved them dearly and though my thoughts are sad they mingle with wonderful memories of my wonderful parents.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CHRISTMAS CARDS

I must admit, as a result of my lazy nature, I never get around to sending Christmas cards. And though this might seem thoughtless and rude, I resort to something that I consider just as good or maybe even better. I call each person who sends me a card. Of course, if I had hundreds of people sending me cards, I couldn’t possibly call all of them. But luckily, I can easily manage the dozen or so phone calls I make and truly enjoy each one. A few of the calls are to friends who live far away and our conversation provides the one time each year we connect and catch up on our busy lives.

I guess my friends are OK with my negligence and I’m glad they never criticize me for it. In fact one even printed her phone number on her card and wrote, “I know you’ll call me!” And meantime, only one of my friends remembers to send me a Chanukah card.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

NEW GRANDCHILD

Technology in the 21st Century is phenomenal. When I was pregnant, I had to wait 9 months until the birth of my children to learn their sex. But now-a-days, not only do new parents learn their child’s sex early in the pregnancy with an ultra-sound test, they also receive a sneak-preview of their baby with photos taken en-utero near the end of the pregnancy. My son, Rick, and daughter-in-law, Jen, sent me these photos and it over-whelmed me to see my unborn granddaughter’s little face with her eyes open and her tongue sticking out of her mouth.

But the best part came after the baby was born. Rick and Jen live 150 miles from me and so I would not see my granddaughter for another couple of weeks. But Jen took her Iphone to the hospital and within three hours of Lily’s birth, Jen sent me a few photos that she took of the newborn baby with her phone. Furthermore, when they brought Lily home, the greatest invention of all time, the webcam, let me view live-video of my new granddaughter when we both had our computers turned on at the same time. All I can say is UNBELIEVABLE!!

I’m so glad to live in the 21st century and only wish I new what the centuries ahead will bring.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY FAVORITE DAY

Ask anyone what their favorite day is in December and they will most likely tell you Christmas, Dec. 25th. But not me. My favorite day is Dec. 21st the winter solstice. Why you might ask do I like the shortest day of the year? And I will quickly reply that, thank goodness, following Dec. 21st, the days start growing longer. Granted the daylight only increases about one minute per day, but in fifteen days that amounts to fifteen more minutes of sunshine!!! And by Jan 21st, we will have a whole half hour of extra sunshine. I can feel it already. By now you can probably imagine the day I dread the most each year. Yup, it’s Jun. 21st, the summer solstice and longest day of the year. On Jun 21st, the days start growing shorter.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GAS CARD

Since March the cashiers at the grocery store have continually asked me if I would like to apply for a “gas card.” But I repeatedly replied no. Why, I thought, should I bother with another credit card in my wallet that would simply lower the cost of my gas by ten cents when I filled up the gas tank of my car. But recently, a neighbor told me she applied for a gas card because for every fifty dollars of groceries she buys, her gasoline bill is reduced by ten cents per EACH gallon of gas that she buys. In other words, if she buys ten gallons of gas, she saves a total of one dollar – ten cents times ten gallons.

Wow. I had assumed I would receive only ten cents off on my entire gas bill. I didn’t realize it would reduce my cost by ten cent for every gallon I bought. In addition, the grocery store keeps track of my purchases, so that if I buy $30 one week and $20 the next, they apply the two-week total of $50 towards my ten cent discount. This was better than I thought and last week when I purchased $163 of groceries, I received 30 cents off each gallon of gas I bought at the gasoline station. I bought nine gallons of gas and saved $2.70. WOO HOO. As they say, “Not bad for a day’s work.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GLORIA

What a shock! The minute the elevator door opened and the woman took one step into the lobby, I recognized her immediately. I hadn’t seen her since she moved away 18 years ago. But now, by complete coincidence here she was. “Gloria,” I called, “It’s me Hannah.” We both looked at each other in complete surprise and excitedly re-established a long lost friendship.

I had arrived a few minutes early for my eye doctor appointed and sat waiting for my turn. Although I had thought about her over the years, little did I ever dream, I would see Gloria again in my doctor’s office. She had moved back to Madison recently and I can only guess it was meant to be that we would both appear at the same place at the same time.

In addition, she told me she had moved into the Oakwood Village retirement center. That too surprised me, as I, myself, had submitted an application to Oakwood five years ago and at some point will possibly move their also. We immediately exchanged our phone numbers and she invited me to visit her next week, so that she could give me a complete tour of the center.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BUMBLE BEES

Since Monday, an entire week, I have not opened my front door. I don’t dare, as I can see through the door’s window that bumblebees are flying around between the screen door and the front door. If I open the door, they will fly right into my house. It all started when I contacted a pest control company to spray my house as I do every spring. Unfortunately this year, the spraying somehow stirred up a nest by my front door and the bees are tormenting me.

I would have taken care of the problem immediately, but I live in a 4-unit condominium. Any work done on the outside of the building must be approved by all the owners -- which takes time. Before hiring anyone, I had to obtain a few estimates then email the owners and wait for them to make a decision and give their approval.

On Tuesday morning, the Kwik Kill Company will get rid of all the bees and hornets around my building. But until then, I still don’t dare open my front door. And so, the Sunday newspaper that I can see on my front porch will remain outside until Tuesday afternoon when all the bees will be gone.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LUXURY CARS

My cousin visited me this week and attended his 50th high school reunion. I always enjoy his company and we had an interesting discussion about retirement and finances. We both have worked hard throughout our lives, saved diligently, and invested wisely. But now he said, “It is time to enjoy the money we have acquired.” “In fact” he said, “we (his wife and he) have decided to spend our money, to buy things we want or see.” And he encouraged me to do the same. “Buy yourself a nice luxury car,” he suggested. “You’ve never treated yourself to something really nice and now is the time to do so. This will probably be your last car. So buy something great, a Lexus or Mercedes-Benz with leather seats, etc.”

I know he’s right. Why shouldn’t I do something nice for myself. But all my life my parents taught me that I shouldn’t waste money and so I have always purchased economy cars. Old habits die hard and I can’t see spending lots of money on a car that will get me the same places a less expensive car will. But I will give it some thought. My current car is 10 years old and has only 45,000 miles. I had no thought of even buying a new car for several more years. But maybe I won’t wait and maybe I will buy at least a little better car. But parting with $30,000 or more will be a real emotional struggle,

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MICHAEL JACKSON

As a senior citizen, who did not “grow up” with Michael Jackson, I have not been paying much attention to all the news stories that have flooded the airwaves in the last couple of weeks. I never listened to his music and couldn’t even tell you the names of any of his songs. And if the radio announcers hadn’t repeatedly mentioned one of his top albums, “Thriller” in the past several days, I would not even have know that either.

But yesterday, I heard so many interesting and positive statements about his memorial service at the Staples Center in Los Angeles that I became curious about the event. Knowing that YouTube.com would no doubt have many videos of it, I immediately opened YouTube when I turned on my computer. And I was impressed. Michael Jackson’s brother Jermaine sang Smile, a beautiful song from the 1930’s that I have always loved. Mariah Cariah sang another wonderful song, “I’ll Be There.” And both Brooke Sheila’s and Michael Jackson’s youngest daughter delivered moving speeches about him.

Although I didn’t know what to expect when I opened YouTube, I must admit, I was touched by the beautiful memorials to Michael Jackson and seeing Michael’s silver casket covered with roses.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GROCERY STORE

I had to chuckle this morning when I called the grocery store. I only shop at the grocery store every other week and hate to make extra trips in between to pick up forgotten items. Since I always like to buy my favorite ice cream, I have gotten in the habit recently of calling the store a day or two in advance to reserve two cartons of butter pecan ice cream made by Soy Dream. Not many people buy this soy ice cream product and so the manager doesn’t stock very much of it and on occasion all the butter pecan is sold out by the time I get there. So to avoid this problem I simply call ahead.

Anyway, this morning when I called to ask the manager to reserve some ice cream for me he immediately responded, “Butter pecan”? I smiled as he obviously recognized my voice or my previous requests. “Yes,” I replied, “Thank you so much. I’ll be in tomorrow to pick it up.” He didn’t even ask for my name, but I gave it to him anyway.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WONDERFUL PARENTS

WONDERFUL PARENTS

My 13 and 11 year-old grandsons are so lucky. My daughter, Cathy, and son-in-law, James, are fantastic parents. They are devoted parents and do so much for and with the boys. Today, for example, they drove to the Wisconsin River near Arena, WI and took the boys canoeing -- with Cathy and Jared in one canoe and James and Jacob in another.

Over the years, they have vacationed in Mexico, visited James’ sister in the state of Washington, and attended my son’s wedding in Las Vegas. James and Cathy have also taken the boys to Packer Games in Green Bay and the SummerFest musical festival in Milwaukee. In addition, they spend a week every summer at the family’s cottage on the ocean in TopSail, N.C., and camp often at their cabin near Portgage, Wisconsin. James is also teaching my grandsons to hunt, a great male-bonding hobby.

When my two children, Cathy and Rick, were growing up, I was divorced and they did not have the wonderful opportunities my grandsons have. Although I wish they had, they were fortunate that my parents took them to Florida, the Six-Flags Amusement Park, Badger Hockey games, etc. It wasn’t, of course, the same but it must have been O.K. as Cathy and Rick have turned out to be wonderful adults

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SPEEDING TICKET

What a waste -- $186 for a speeding ticket. But actually, if I had to do it all over, I must admit I would probably speed again anyway. I had to in order to reach my destination on time. Last Saturday morning, I left my house early to drive to Chicago for the reunion of my sorority pledge class. And during the previous week I had spent hours on Google maps, Yahoo maps, and Mapquest to make sure I had the correct directions.

I planned driving via Milwaukee, but two miles outside of Madison when faced with the sign for Milwaukee on the left and Chicago on the right, I absent-mindedly veered to the right. “On no” I scolded myself the minute I did it. I knew I took the wrong turn and then spent 45 minutes to an hour trying to find my way back to the Milwaukee exit.

By now, I feared I would not arrive on time in Chicago and so I pushed harder on the gas pedal and began driving 80 and 85 miles an hour. I kept watching my rear view mirror, all the while, forgetting that some police officers drove in unmarked cars and others hid in the weeds on their motorcycles just waiting to pounce on speeders.

When I pulled over to the side of the road, I rolled down my window and waited for the policeman to approach. “I am soooo sorry Officer,” I said, “I got lost as I left Madison and I have to be in Chicago at noon.” “Well,” he said, “You are never going to make it.” I tried to cry, but unfortunately I couldn’t. Nevertheless, I was very lucky. Although he clocked me at 85 miles hour he only wrote the ticket for 80. “It costs less money,” he said. And I was truly grateful. I also discovered that if had he given me the ticked for driving 85 miles, my license would have been revoked for 15 days !!!!

I hope I’ve learned my lesson. But the good news is that I have no plans to do any highway driving in the near future.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WRONG NUMBER

This morning, I called the local senior center, but rather than leave a message, I asked if I could just call back again later. And so after 30 minutes I called again. However, when I dialed the number again, 833-2373, instead of reaching the senior center I was connected to the Walgreens drugstore. I thought I might have just misdialed and tried the number again, but once again the person answering the phone said, “Walgreens, how can I help you?”

Well that’s weird I thought and decided maybe there was something wrong with my phone. And so, I switched to my portable phone and dialed the number for the third time. Again, I reached Walgreens. At this point, I called the telephone company. “I’ve dialed the senior center every week for the last few years and can’t understand why all of a sudden I’m now reaching the drugstore. Something must be wrong”

The operator was very patient and checked into the problem. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but the number you dialed, 833-2373 does belong to Walgreens.” “Amazing,” I said, “I can’t understand it.” She then checked the telephone listings and courteously told me, the telephone number of the senior center is 831-2373.” I felt so foolish and apologized profusely for wasting her time.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

PRIZE MONEY

I have tried to figure it out, but I just can’t come up with any answer. How much prize money do I need to offer to attract people to my website contest? When I launched the site three years ago, I set the prize money for the biweekly contests at $50 for funny photos and $10 for cute photos and $500 and $100 for the 6-month bonus prize winners. I had hoped advertisers would cover the cost. However, I have yet to line up any advertisers and thus, must pay the prize money myself.

Last fall, to lower my expenses I cut the prizes for the funny photos to $20 and $200. Unfortunately, since last fall, the number of visitors to my site dropped about 25%. Obviously, I thought, my reduced prizes have also reduced the traffic to my site. And so I’ve been feeling discouraged until yesterday. The winner of the $10 bi-weekly cute-photo contest not only sent me an email to confirm her address, but sent me in CAPTAL LETTERS a very excited thank you. She was absolutely thrilled to win the contest!!

You can imagine my surprise. She won only $10, yet couldn’t have been happier. So the question remains, “How much prize money do I need to offer to attract people to my website contest?”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY DAUGHTER’S ANNIVERSARY

How did I possibly forget? How in the world did I ever let it slip my mind that Saturday was my daughter’s anniversary? She and James celebrated their 17th anniversary and the day passed by without my even calling to wish them a happy anniversary. I felt just awful. Ironically, I had marked my calendar with their names, but I didn’t even remember to check my calendar.

It’s not the first time which makes me feel even worse. When my son was 9, I forgot his birthday until after dinner. And when my daughter was 14 she went off to school before I realized it was her birthday. What a terrible mother !!!

However, I do have a little consolation. When my ex-husband and I were married 4 years, my parents had not sent me an anniversary card. I didn’t think twice about it as cards in the mail sometimes do arrive late. But about 7:00 that evening while my ex-husband was still at work, there was a knock on the door. Lo and behold, I opened the door and there stood my parents. “Oh,” I exclaimed, “You came for my anniversary.” But the look on their face immediately told me their visit was a coincidence. They had forgotten it was my anniversary.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WINNING AT BRIDGE

A couple of weeks ago, I felt terribly discouraged because my partner and I ended up in last place three consecutive times at the Duplicate Bridge Club. But now in the past week, we have finished in 3rd place last Saturday and 4th place yesterday. Of course, I felt thrilled. It wasn’t 1st place, but much better than last.

At the same time you have to wonder what makes the difference. Obviously my skill level hasn’t changed in such a short time. Nor is it the cards dealt to me, as in duplicate bridge everyone else play with the exact same cards. Thus, it seems the only explanation is luck. For example, the mistakes others make, provide a lucky advantage.

I’ll probably never figure it out, but it sure feels great to be among the winners.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SEARCH ENGINES / ATTORNEYS

Today my blog is an experiment. I want to discover if the unprecedented number of photos I received for my website contest on Sunday has a relationship to the blog I wrote on Saturday about a sleazy attorney. Usually on Sundays, the number of hits I receive decreases significantly from the rest of the week. Thus, I can only theorize that the increase was a result of printing the word attorney a total of five times in my Saturday blog.

To test the theory, I will print the word attorney five times or more in today’s blog and watch the results tomorrow. I eagerly look forward to the outcome as I cannot begin to guess whether I am right or wrong. But if my experiment works, I will have learned a valuable lesson about search engines and keywords -- they have nothing to do with a website’s purpose.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SELLING CAMERAS

It occurred to me yesterday that maybe I should try selling cameras on my website. I’ve been talking to friends about selling their artwork, but that’s a hard item to sell. Cameras on the other hand could be a natural. After all, the people visiting my site are sending photos they have taken with their cameras.

So, I thought I needed to contact Kodak or Fuji. But I doubt that those big companies would even give me the time a day. And then “voila”, the light bulb went off in my head. The owner of the Camera Co., a local camera business, judges the photos on my website. I should talk to him about selling his cameras on my site. It could be a win-win situation. What a genius idea. Well, maybe not a genius idea. At any rate, I need to pursue it and will get to work on it right away.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INK CARTRIDGES

For years, I have taken my used printer ink cartridges to the post office to dispose of them. But a few weeks ago, the post office had removed the bins for the used cartridges. When I asked about it, they said the company had gone out of business. In addition, they had no suggestions for disposing of them, so now I didn’t know what to do with my cartridges.

I wouldn’t just throw them in my garbage, as I knew they required special recycling. So I put them in a drawer until I could find out what I should do. But I didn’t have to wait long. A few days later when I returned some books to the library, I saw in their front hallway a big box for used cartridges. I was pleased to have solved the problem and planned to bring my cartridges next week when I returned for my weekly stop at the library.

Unfortunately, yesterday I forgot to bring my cartridges when I visited the library and so I have still not recycled them. The question now is how soon will I remember to drop off my ink cartridges at the library.


By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

DIGITAL T.V.

Along with wrinkles and aches and pains, it seems that old age also brings the inability to figure out “new fangled” things. Last Nov. I purchased a converter box for my T.V. and felt pleased that I actually figured out how to hook it up. But in January I unhooked it so that I could watch a movie I rented. And this is where my problem began.

On Friday of this week, television stations will no longer display analog T.V. Since I haven’t watched television for the past nine months I thought I better check my set today to make sure it worked. Well guess what – no picture and no sound? I immediately called the 800 number printed on the converter box. Thank goodness the manufacturer displayed it so prominently. No doubt they probably expected lots of calls.

To make a long story short, I only had to wait a few minutes and the young man I spoke to very patiently helped me figure out how to fix my problem. I’m glad I took care of it this morning, though it will probably be another year until I even watch another program.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SLEASY ATTORNEY

Last week I sent a registered letter to the attorney who both drafted my Mother’s will and was the executor of the will. I asked when he would send me the $25,000 that my Mother had willed to me if my sister continued living in my Mother’s house. She bought the house when the two of them moved together to Las Vegas in January, 2008. However, last spring my sister surreptitiously convinced my Mom to give her a quitclaim deed to the house. As joint owners on the deed, when my Mom died, my sister became the sole owner of the house. As a result, I had my doubts that I would receive the money. Nevertheless, I wanted to find out for sure. And so I wrote the letter.

Yesterday, I received a response from the attorney. As I expected, the stipulation was no longer subject to the will. The quitclaim deed overrode it. Thus, I was not surprised. And since the real estate market in Las Vegas has taken such a dive, the house is worth less than the mortgage. But the attorney had the audacity to include with the letter a bill for $175. I was livid. I did not write him the letter to consult him or ask for his advice. I simply wanted to know when I might receive the money. In addition, the letter was only five sentences long. Certainly it took the secretary less than ten minutes to prepare it. And so, if I did owe him any money, the fee would hardly add up to such a large amount.

I have no intention of paying him. But on Monday, I will call the Wisconsin Coalition of Aging and ask their attorney, a service they offer for free, what they suggest I do.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

UNCOOPERATIVE NEIGHBOORS

As President of my condominium association, the burden of condo problems falls upon me. Luckily, our condo consists of only 19 owners, thus we encounter few problems each year. And with the help of my very supportive officers the problems are quickly resolved. But it’s amazing that more often than not, the problems arise from the same few inconsiderate and uncooperative neighbors.

Recently one of the owners, Joel, without previous approval, rolled several large boulders from the perimeter of his property to the common area. As a result the Board began making arrangements to remove the boulders. But we learned that Joel had told Joan, another neighbor, she could have them. As a courtesy to Joan, I called to tell her that we would not take any action, if she would like to remove them in the next couple weeks.

Well, I couldn’t believe her response. She caustically said she was too busy now. She’ll take care of it when she can and I shouldn’t get myself all into a twit (or something like that). I silently waited for her to finish her tirade and knowing there was nothing more to say, I replied simply, “That’s not acceptable, and I’ll get back to her after I talk to the Board.”

It’s a shame she didn’t attempt to be cooperative, because now the Board has decided to send a message to all the owners letting them know that if anyone might like the boulders they are welcome to take them. Meantime, it’s just too bad Joel dumped the boulders on the common area in the first place. However, I shouldn’t complain. If I don’t like the job of President, I can always quit.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

DRY HANDS

Gray hair, wrinkles, aches and pains, to mention just a few, all indicate the characteristics of old age. But last week when I tried to hem a pair of slacks, I discovered another unexpected inconvenience of aging -- dry fingers. The needle continually slipped through my fingers as I poked it into the fabric. With frustration, I kept cursing the needle and licking my fingers, as I struggled to finish the job.

So yesterday I did not look forward to sewing a button on my blouse. There had to be a better way I thought and I tried to come up with some alternatives. I finally decided I could possibly make the work easier if I rubbed my hands with some hand lotion. So when I gathered my sewing kit, blouse, etc, I also grabbed my hand lotion. And lo and behold I could sew much more easily by simply lubricating my fingers. On the other hand it seemed like ever few minutes I had to stop sewing and put more lotion on my hands. But I won’t complain. I sewed on the button with greater ease and much less frustration.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BROKEN RESOLUTION

When I made my New Year’s Resolution, in my heart, I knew that like most everyone else I too would break my resolution. But I really did want to change my ways. I really did want to stop staying up late into the wee hours of the morning playing the Free Cell solitaire game on my computer. I feel lousy the next day with so little sleep even though I am retired and can lie around the next day doing nothing. Plus, afterwards, I always chastise myself for wasting all that time when I could be doing something more productive.

So sure enough, I broke my resolve last night and played game after game after game. I know I should stop. I should just turn off my computer. But I love the game and I am so good at it. In addition, each time I win, which is often the thrill of success is so exhilarating that I am motivated to play another game and another and another. I tell myself just one more. But that doesn’t work. I am truly addicted and can empathize with other people who are addicts and just can’t stop.

The only good thing I can say is that since January this is only the second time I broke my resolution. And I really, really, really hope that maybe I will keep my resolution for the rest of the year.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

KIND GESTURE

Yesterday, as I walked out of the locker room at the health club, a nice gentleman approached me and offered to carry my gym bag. I thanked him and said I truly appreciated his kind gesture. During the past six years, since I joined the club, two other people have also made the same offer. Each time, of course, we chatted for a couple of minutes and thus became new “health club” friends.

But this time was a little different. When he took my bag he mentioned we know each other. This greatly surprised me as I didn’t recognize his face at all. He said we both belong to Beth El Temple, which is true. But I don’t ever remember seeing or meeting him at the temple. However, I don’t claim to have the world’s greatest memory, so obviously I have simply forgotten. When I got home I checked the temple directory and not only found his name but discovered he is the founder of Rocky Rocco’s Pizza Parlors, my favorite pizza restaurant.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LESS TRAFFIC

A year ago, I received an average of 90-100 web site hits a day. And, of course, I was very pleased to have so much traffic. But in the last six months the hits to my site have drastically decreased. I didn’t know fewer people visited my site and feared that maybe my site had simply run its course and its short life was over.

But I heard good news today. I spoke with a woman who has a very successful website business and spends thousands of dollars on Google Adsense. And so, I asked her if she had also had a change in the traffic to her site. “Oh yes,” she replied, “The Internet has been hit just like the Malls whose business have diminished close to 50%.” I certainly didn’t feel any pleasure hearing about the misfortunes of other businesses, but to finally realize I was not alone was very reassuring.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

APPRECIATION

I know my daughter appreciated it and she thanked me at the time. Plus I was more than happy to do it. But it warmed my heart this past Memorial Day at our family celebration when she said how great it was even though it took place 13 years ago.

When my daughter was born my Mother came to stay with me for the first two weeks so that I would have help taking care of my new baby. But I live only ten minutes away from my daughter so I wouldn’t be staying at her house when she brought Jacob, my first grandchild home from the hospital. In addition, my son-in-law owns his own business and works out of their house. As a result, I felt that they hardly needed me around as a possible intrusion during the day.

Thus, I told my daughter, that for her first two weeks home from the hospital I would do the grocery shopping and come to her house every evening to cook dinner. It was over 13 years ago, but I still remember quite clearly spending the time in her kitchen cooking, eating dinner with her and James, and enjoying my brand new grandson. But as time has past I hardly ever think of that time anymore. And so I beamed with pleasure when she mentioned those days and how much she appreciated my cooking for her.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CHILD RESITANT CAPS

No doubt child resistant caps on medicine bottles and other dangerous substances have saved the lives of thousands, perhaps millions, of children. And their parents have been spared the pain, anguish, and suffering of losing a child who has swallowed deadly chemicals. And I wouldn’t wish it any other way, but old fingers like young fingers have just as much difficulty opening protected jars, bottles, etc. And I have been stymied more often than I care to remember with bottles I have trouble opening.

This morning as I tried to open a new bottle of mouthwash, I struggled in frustration at not being able to release the cover from the bottle. But I live alone and with no one else to help me I had no choice but to curse, scream, and persevere until I finally succeeded. And only heaven knows how I finally got it open. It would help if manufactures would create easy to open bottles for us senior citizens. But I’m sure they won’t. And I will have to continue fighting with bottle caps forever knowing it will only get worse not better.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

PEST CONTROL

Summer weather has finally arrived. But along with the warmer temperatures have come many creepy, crawling creatures. Yes… in the last few days, I have killed or found a dead bee, a hornet, several spiders, etc. etc. throughout my house. It’s driving me crazy. But this is not new and almost every spring I call a pest control company and pay them to spray my house, inside and out, to prevent future bugs from invading my premises.

In the past I have paid about $75 for their service. But when I called for quotes today, I could hardly believe how much the price had jumped – in fact doubled to $150 for one company and $175 for another. The $150 company did tell me that if one or more of the neighbors in my 4-unit building also signed up for the service, they would drop the price to $125. I had hoped they might have reduced it a little more, but I’ll take whatever I can get. So, I’ve sent my neighbor’s an email and I’ll be anxious to hear their response.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

NEW BABY

Yesterday my son and daughter-in-law, who live in Chicago, drove to Madison to spend Memorial Day with the family. As they are expecting their first child in Dec., the conversation at lunch naturally turned to raising children. Since both my daughter and I had babies that cried and cried a lot, we proceeded to describe our frustrating experiences.

But later that day after they had driven home, I felt just awful thinking of what a dismal picture we had painted for my son and daughter-in-law. They should be looking forward to this wonderful event, not dreading a possibility that may not even come to pass. And so, I sent her an email describing a better alternative. Although my daughter and I had to deal with lots of crying, I wrote, that doesn’t mean that you will. What we neglected to tell you is that every baby is different and there are lots of mothers who will say they had good babies who didn’t cry very much and were good sleepers.

In the meantime, one thing that is certain is that babies keep changing. When they are about 6-8 weeks old they start smiling. Around 3 months they start sitting up, about 6-7 months they start crawling, about 9 months they start standing and about a year or so they start walking. So if a baby does cry a lot, the good news is that it doesn’t last forever and will be over soon.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.
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DRAINO

I bought my home 30 years ago when it was first built. So it’s not surprising that recently when I shower, the water in my bathtub is not draining properly. By the time I finish showering I am standing in a small puddle. My first thought was to call my handyman. But he suggested simply cleaning the drain with Draino. And so I tried several times, but it didn’t help. I called my handyman again and he offered another suggestion. “Try digging out the hair with a coat hanger,” he said.

I appreciated his efforts to save me money, but I just didn’t think a coat hanger would do the job. In the meantime, when I mentioned my problem at the bridge club last week, one of the men said that I should leave the Draino in the drain for an hour or so, not just the 15 minutes stated on the instructions. “You need to give it time to really work.” With nothing to lose I tried again. But in the back of my mind, I had decided it was time to consider calling a plumber. Luckily, the one hour Draino treatment actually cleaned out my drain and this morning, I showered without any water swirling around my feet.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SO MANY BOOKS

In 2003, I drove to Milwaukee to meet some Chicago college friends for lunch. To make the long drive more enjoyable, I checked out two audio books from the library so that I could listen during the drive. The books I chose, Silent Witness and Memoirs of a Geisha, were two very excellent books, but each one lasted more than ten hours. Since the round trip lasted only six hours, I had only listened to half of the first book by the time I arrived home.

Of course, I wanted to hear the rest, but what could I do. I had only one choice, to bring the books inside and listen to them on my tape recorder in the house. What a stroke of luck. In the past I only listened to books on tape when I drove long distances in my car. It never occurred to me to listen in the house. But as I finished listening to my two books while I cooked, cleaned, dressed, etc, very mundane and boring tasks. I thoroughly enjoyed having someone read to me. I had previously listened to the radio. But this was much better and I became an avid books on tape reader. In addition, since I live alone the audio books became a companion of sorts and keep me from feeling lonely.

But there is one problem. I listen to about three or four books a week. Thus, over the past six years, I have listened to about 1,000 books. I should have written down all the titles to keep track of the books. But I didn’t and over time many of the titles have slipped my mind. Thus, more than once, I have slipped a tape or disc into my recorder only to discover, sometimes half way through the book, that I already read the book. I not only had forgotten the title, but the story as well!!!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WEBSITE CRITICISM

When I launched my website, www.FunnyPhotosContest.com, I had expected to make a lot of money. Unfortunately, I have earned almost nothing. And so, my business has turned into a hobby. Yet, I need to keep in mind my viewers on the other hand do see it as a business and so when I receive any criticism I must remember it is business not personal.

Each month, I send an email to all my previous contestants, to invite them to view the new contest. I also allow them to easily remove themselves from my mailing list by simply replying and typing unsubscribe. Nevertheless, I felt a bolt of shock, when one of my rather “loyal” contestants sent an email to unsubscribe and included the comment, “Your contest sucks now!”

Of course I initially felt awful. But I know that successful business owners always strive to keep their customers happy. And so, I sent a reply to tell her I was sorry to hear of her dissatisfaction and to inquiry what prompted her comment. Well you can imagine what a pleasant surprise I received when she apologized. She said, she thought it had been an automated message and never suspected that a real person would read it. She explained the contest had previously been a lot of fun. But now it seemed that fewer people entered the contest and the photos weren’t as funny. In addition, she said she would continue following the contest a little longer and even invite some of her photographer friends to enter.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

COLLEGE REUNION

In June of 2003, my college sorority sisters got together for our first reunion since we graduated from the University of Illinois in 1962. Jody and I were the chairman and with my computer knowledge I took charge of sending all the emails for the reunion. We had a fantastic time and this June we are meeting again for another reunion.

As we decided to plan an exact repeat of our last reunion, there was no planning necessary. So instead of needing chairwomen, I just volunteered to send out all the emails again. The emails included deciding on the date and signing up for each of the events – Friday night dinner, Sat. lunch and dinner, and Sun. morning brunch. I also asked everyone to send me a summary of their lives over the last 47 years so that I could compile them all and send an electronic newsletter of our mini “biographies.”

Over the last several months, my sorority sisters have time and again sent me their grateful thanks for “all” that I’m doing. But in reality, I don’t feel like I am doing much work at all. I first began using a computer in 1982 when I was hired as a computer trainer at a local computer store. And so working on a computer is not only easy for me but my hobby as well. In addition, with the ease of cut and paste, I have really not spent much time on this project at all. Furthermore, the time I do spend has been great fun. I love reconnecting with the women who played such a significant role in my life when I was a young college student and receiving all their emails.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WORKING OUT

Twenty-five years ago, I joined a health club knowing that exercising contributes to good health. Ever since that time I have worked out at the club two to three times a week swimming or walking around the track. And now that I have become a senior citizen I recognize even more the value of exercising to maintain good health.

But my membership at the club also provides another benefit. I have met some very wonderful people at the health club. And though I only see them when I visit the club I look forward to seeing them and have enjoyed many friendly conversations with them. As it turns out, this socializing may be almost equally as important as keeping physically fit. Current research suggests that friends and outside interests can make a difference in living longer and healthier lives.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LACTOSE INTOLERANCE

Several years ago I started eating Fiber One cereal because of its high fiber content – 15 grams per half a cup. However, since I never liked milk with cereal, I had to think of a substitute. It may sound crazy, but I chose ice cream. And why not, it is simply frozen milk. Thus every morning I ate Fiber One cereal with mint chocolate chip ice cream and breakfast became almost my favorite meal of the day.

However, it wasn’t long before I had to give it up. Because I suffer from lactose intolerance, my stomach became very bloated and hard from eating ice cream. Darn. I had to continue eating the cereal but what else could I use as a substitute. I decided to try yogurt and picked Yoplait whips. I loved their cafe au lait flavor and was happy again – though truth be told I didn’t like it as much as mint chocolate chip ice cream. But lo and behold, I soon started experiencing the same unpleasant stomach symptoms. Once again, I was back to square one.

A friend suggested ice cream made from soy. Yuk I thought and was skeptical but bought some soy butter pecan ice cream any way. I tried it and discovered that I liked it almost as much as mint chocolate chip. Now I just have to hope I don’t have a lactose intolerance to the soy ice cream.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

VANILLA ICE CREAM

On Saturday, my daughter told me she had to buy some vanilla ice cream for her husband. He wasn’t feeling very well and not eating much, but he wanted some vanilla ice cream. I smiled when I heard that as it reminded me of an incident that happened about eight years ago.

When he was only one and a half years old, my youngest grandson, Jared, was very sick with the flu or something for about 5 days. On the third day I took time off from work to help my daughter. But when I arrived I found my other grandson, Jacob who was 4, lying on the couch because he couldn’t walk. He stayed there all day and I spent my time amusing and taking care of him, while my daughter was busy with Jared.

With two “sick” children, the long day seemed to drag on. But late in the afternoon, my son-in-law arrived home and perked up all of our spirits. He had stopped at the store and bought some vanilla ice cream for us! Later that evening my daughter called to tell me that Jacob was feeling better. After dinner, she realized that Jacob had no doubt felt neglected because she had been giving Jared so much attention. And so she said, “Jacob I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to spend much time with you since Jared has been sick. But if you are feeling better tomorrow, I will take you to the store and buy you a toy.” Jacob looked up at her and smiled. ‘Mom,’ he replied as he stood up, “I think I’m feeling better.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GETTING OLD

I guess after all these years of denying it I must finally recognize myself as old. At least my 13-year old grandson thinks so and brought it to my attention. As I drove to the restaurant to meet my daughter and grandsons for dinner last night, my grandson noticed the approaching cars, including mine and commented, “Bubbe is the oldest person driving a car.” And he was probably right. In another year and a half, I will be 70 !!!

Ironically, my age has in fact been a topic of discussion twice in just the last two days. At a meeting for my class reunion, one of the others mentioned her husbands 70th birthday party. “My goodness,” I remember thinking, “how is it possible that I am almost 70.” And again today at the health club, as I talked with another woman, age was mentioned once again and I had to confront the fact that yes, it won’t be long until I too am 70.

Other milestone birthdays have had an impact on me, but I think turning 70 will take the cake. When I turned 30, my ex-husband and I had just divorced and once again I would start dating. But I felt so weird. Dating was for teenagers and young people but I was an “over-the-hill” middle aged woman. At 40, I thought of the expression “life begins at 40.” And I optimistically looked forward to my birthday. But when I awoke on Jan 25th, I felt no different than the day before.

When I turned 50, I was dumb-struck. It seemed incredible and I could not believe that one-half a century had passed. It didn’t seem like I had lived all those many years. At 60, I retired and was too busy filling my leisure time to pay much attention to my age. But 70, ah yes, is old. And even though I dye my hair, wear mascara and pass for younger than I am, I can’t deny it or fool myself. Seventy is old.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ARCH SUPPORTS

Six years ago, a physical therapist told me I needed to wear arch supports to correct my flat feet. But not just the standard arch supports you buy at any shoe store, rather the expensive orthotics that a podiatrist would custom fit specifically for my feet. Luckily my insurance company covered the cost and so I scheduled an appointment. When the doctor finished I asked if he would cut my toenails. I have trouble trimming them myself as my nails are calcified and hard as rocks due to a toenail fungus. He said sure, took care of my nails, and I left.

Recently a friend happened to mention that she needed new arch supports. “Really,” I said, “how often do you buy a new pair?” “My insurance company pays for a new pair every year,” she answered. Since mine were six years old, I was long over due. But when I once again visited the podiatrist, he looked at my orthotics and told me they were in good shape. The materials he uses are much improved and would last a long time. Fine, I thought, but as long I was in the office I might as well have my toenails cut. You can imagine my shock, when he finished and told me my bill was $59. “What,” I exclaimed! As he did not perform any medical procedure, he told me Medicare would not pay, so I had to. I wrote a check but was irritated that he hadn’t warned me before he started!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

THE ECONOMY

It’s not difficult to see that businesses are feeling the pinch of a poor economy. They are eagerly trying to stimulate their business by calling and mailing their customers with enticing offers to buy their products or services. And if my actions are any indication, then it works because I do plan to make some purchases.

The other day the local video store called to tell me that I could rent a video for free and pay only half price for a second. As they have never in the past called me, they are obviously anxious to increase their revenues. And yesterday, I received a promotion from Valvoline for $15 off on an oil change. In the past I have received other correspondence from Valvoline, but never with such a good offer. Lucky for me, I always change the oil in my car every May and November. So the timing is perfect and I’ll certainly take advantage of it.

A year ago, a landscaping company planted bushes in my yard. Unfortunately, this spring one of the bushes turned brown and died. Much to my surprise, I received a letter from the company to let me know that their one-year warranty would end on May 31st. What a coincidence as I had intended to call them. They had never sent me such a letter in years past when they had done other work for me. No doubt they are making every effort they can to please their customers.

Good business people have always known that advertising works. And now some of them are advertising even more than ever to generate more sales.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

WEBSITE CONTESTANT

When I retired, I missed working as a computer trainer at the Univ. of Wisc.-Madison. I had thoroughly enjoyed teaching such courses as “Intro to MS-Word and Excel”, Email”, and “Surfing the Web.” Thus, for the first couple of years, I was at a loss as to how to fill all my leisure time.

But three years ago, when I created a website, www.FunnyPhotosContest.com I began to thoroughly enjoy every minute of my retirement. I smile every day when I receive all the funny photos contestants send me and I have had many interesting experiences. Last night as I worked on my computer, all of a sudden an instant message popped up in the lower corner of my screen, “Do you head up the contests?” What a surprise that one of my contestants had “found” and contacted me in real time. And so we “chatted” for a few minutes on the computer. He told me he enjoyed the contest and had been entering it for several years.

Many people have emailed positive comments to me about the website, but this was the first time that one of my contestants had sent me an instant message. No wonder I’m having so much fun.

DUPLICATE BRIDGE

I enjoy the game of bridge, started playing duplicate in 1965, and have continued playing ever since. But today I left the bridge club feeling blue. The last two times I’ve played, my partner and I finished in last place. And I feel awful, because I blame myself even though I know I shouldn’t. My partner also carries some of the responsibility. In addition, more often than not, I play with different partners which itself presents obstacles as we are not familiar with each other’s playing style, etc.

I use to win often. But that was when my Mom and I played together. She began playing bridge when she was young and was an excellent player. As a result, we often won or placed in second or third position. Of course, because we played together so frequently we had the advantage of almost being able to read each other’s minds. But the last year of her life, my Mom moved to Las Vegas and thus, I’ve had to find other partners.

I won’t stop playing bridge as I find it a very fascinating and challenging game and I keep hoping I’ll do better. Of course, if I could play without a partner, I wouldn’t mind coming in last at all as I wouldn’t have to worry about letting my partner down when we lose.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MOTHER’S DAY 2009

Last week when I passed the Mother’s Day cards at the grocery store, I paused for a minute with a pang of sadness and walked on. My Mother had died in February and so I would not be celebrating Mother’s Day anymore. And not until a few days later when a neighbor asked what I would be doing on Mother’s Day, did it hit me that of course I would celebrate Mother’s Day. After all, I have two children and two grandchildren.

As my grandsons have a busy Sunday playing in their teams’ Lacrosse games, we couldn’t get together. Instead, we went out for dinner last night. And since my son lives in Chicago, I won’t get to see him, but I hope he will call me. However, if I don’t hear from him by 7:00, I will call him instead. “Rick,” I will say, “How are you doing. I am just calling so that you can wish me Happy Mother’s Day ;-) “. As they say if the mountain won’t come to you, then you should go to the mountain.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

I LOVE CITIBANK

In spite of all the anger over bank failures, T.A.R.P, (toxic assets), and stress tests. I love my CitiBank credit card. Their program of cash rewards has paid me several hundred dollars in the past few years. They pay me two percent on every purchase I make. In the beginning they paid me five percent back on everything I bought at the grocery store, drugstore, and gasoline station. Now they only pay two percent. But still I can’t complain.

Furthermore, I trust that they will take good care of my account and keep it secure. Over the past several years, they have called me immediately on several occasions when they suspected suspicious activity on my account. And today they sent me two new credit cards, even though my current cards do not expire for another year. Sure enough, they discovered that someone may have comprised my account and so to prevent any problems, they simply closed my account and opened a new one for me.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LES AND ANNE

When my Mom and Dad were alive, a couple they were friendly with was Les and Anne. I didn’t know them well, other than seeing them at a few social events, and occasionally calling Les after my Dad died to ask his legal advice for my Mom. But a few days ago, I learned that Anne just died and her funeral would be today at 11:00.

My first thought was that I would not attend the funeral. But I changed my mind. Les and Anne were always two wonderful people who always were so nice and kind to me whenever I encountered them. In addition, it occurred to me that I should be at the funeral as a representative for my Mom and Dad, for surely, if they were alive they would have attended the funeral. And so this morning, I went by myself to the funeral. And I’m glad I did.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

APOLOGY

I feel just awful and am so sorry for my rude behavior. When Dreyfus sent me a letter that they needed a copy of my daughter’s driver’s license, or social security card to verify her in the government’s database, I had little patience with them. “My daughter has worked for an international insurance company for over 17 years. Surely if she were a terrorist, they would have fired her long ago! Furthermore, she has paid taxes for years.” You need to check further and take care of this problem. As I had kept both my children’s social security numbers on file for years, I was able to easily send their numbers to Dreyfus when I initially filled out the paper work. So I assumed Dreyfus had all they needed when I applied for my new joint account.

But after speaking with the Dreyfus representative, I asked my daughter to tell me her social security number. And lo and behold, I discovered I had made a mistake. I had reversed my children’s numbers giving my daughter number as my son’s and vice versa. I immediately called Dreyfus, gave them the correct information, and apologized. But I still feel awful for being so rude. I hope this teaches me a lesson to be more patient and to realize I am not always as right as I think I am.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY MOM’S WILL

When my Mom moved to Las Vegas she bought a new house and wrote a new will. In addition, because my sister and Mother lived together, my Mom wanted to insure that after she died my sister would have a place to live and could continue living in the house. Thus, she stipulated in her will that when she passed away, my sister would have three months to decide if she wanted to sell the house or not. If she planned to stay in the house, my sister would have to pay me one-half of my Mother’s down payment on the house.

However, a few months after she wrote her will, my sister hood-winked my Mom in to giving my sister a quit claim deed on the house, without including me, so that the two of them alone became joint owners of the house. Sadly, my Mom passed away a couple months ago and I have been left wondering if I am still entitled to the payment or if the new joint ownership has changed that stipulation in her will.

I called my Mother’s attorney, who drafted the will and is also her executor, to inquire about the matter. But he has not returned my calls !! Meanwhile, it probably doesn’t matter. My sister does not have the money to pay me anyway. And since, I always saved my money instead of spending it extravagantly as my sister did, I’ll be fine without it. But I would still just like to know anyway.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MONEY MARKET FUND

Recently I added my daughter and son to the money market account I have with the Dreyfus Co. When my Mother died, my sister and I had to pay for her funeral out of our own checking accounts. And so, I decided to put my children on my account so that someday they could use it to pay for my funeral rather than spend their own money. But I have had to jump through all kinds of hoops just to set up this new account.

First, I filled out their complicated form with my children’s names, addresses, and social security numbers. Then I had to have my bank manager stamp the form with their signature guarantee stamp. But after I mailed the form, the company called me two times about my daughter’s social security number. Even though my penmanship is legible, they couldn’t read it. Furthermore, a few days later they called again with the same request – they forgot they had already called me.

If all that was not enough, I received a letter in the mail today, that according to the Patriot Act, all new accounts require careful scrutiny. They could not find my daughter’s name in the government database. Thus, I had to send them a copy of her driver’s license, social security card, or birth certificate. Good grief…they need to get their act together. For 17 years my daughter has worked as a claim’s adjuster for an international insurance company. If she were a terrorist, they would have fired her years ago. Oh well, I called the company and told them this was all nonsense and they needed to take care of it – I was not going to bother. In fact maybe it would be easier for me to just withdrawal all my money and invest it in another company.

I’ll bet that tomorrow they will call me, apologize, and tell me they have completely taken care of it !!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FIBER

When my children were 2 and 4 years old and my ex-husband and I divorced, I vowed to start eating nutritiously so that I would stay healthy and able to raise my daughter and son until they were grown. No more white bread or carbonated beverages and lots of fruits and vegetables. Though I must admit, I had a hard time and just couldn’t give up chocolate or sugar!

To this day, 40 years later, I still eat well, in fact maybe even a little better. A few years ago, when I learned we need about 30 grams of fiber each day, I found a cereal, Fiber One, as a good source that provides 15 grams of fiber for every one half a cup of cereal. Ahhh this is great I thought. But since I don’t like milk with cereal very well, I simply substituted the milk with ice cream – the very delicious mint chocolate chip ice cream. Unfortunately, I am lactose intolerant and milk products, including ice cream make my stomach bloated and hard. I switched to yogurt, which seemed to work for a while, but the same symptoms appeared again.

Looks like I need to search for something else to eat with my cereal. Tomorrow when I go to the grocery store I will buy some soy ice cream. It will probably work, but I just hope I will like it!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GRANDSONS

When my grandson was born and my daughter worked full time, my Mother and I (the grandma and the great grandma) baby-sat two days a week. Two and a half years later when my second grandson was born, we continued to baby-sit, but only one day a week. However, once the boys entered grade school, my daughter called us far less often to take care of them.

But my baby-sitting days weren’t quite over. On weekends, when my daughter and son-in-law went out for the evening they would drop off my grandsons, to spend the night at my house. Unfortunately, this too came to an end. When my oldest grandson turned 12, the boys were old enough to stay at home alone and take care of themselves.

Although I’m no longer needed as a baby-sitter, I am pleased when an occasion arrives that they do still need me. In fact yesterday, I received a delightful call from Jacob. “Bubbe,” he said, “Do you know how to play Texas Hold-em?” “Yes, Sweetie,” I answered, and explained the basics. “Great,” he said, “my friends and I want to play and now I can tell them how.” “That’s nice,” I replied and thought to myself, “it’s so nice to know I am still needed once in awhile.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SPRING

On Feb. 2nd, Jimmy the Ground saw his shadow to indicate six more weeks of winter. But almost two months have passed and I still have to turn on the heat in my house. In addition, rain has fallen more often than not, the sun seldom shines, and the temperature outside is cool.

Until this afternoon, I was almost ready to believe that spring would never arrive. I woke up to gray skies and the threat of rain. But by mid-afternoon the sun came out and I noticed for the first time that green buds and blossoming leaves have sprouted on the trees. Furthermore, in addition to some dandelions, I even spotted many daffodils as I drove to a friend’s house. The temperature hasn’t risen much above 60 degrees. But other signs of spring are sneaking up everywhere to make me hope that spring and summer will finally arrive.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ROUND RED LABELS

In my continuous quest to inexpensively advertise my website, I had 4,000 bookmarks printed. To save money, I had them printed in black and white, but planned to decorate each one with two small, round, red labels to make the bookmarks more attractive. But what a shock when I went to the store and found the labels cost over $56! Although I bought them, I asked the clerk if I could return them in case I didn’t use them all and was relieved when he said yes.

Driving home from the store, I started thinking about ways to buy cheaper red labels. And then it occurred to me. The internet of course, perhaps Ebay.com. Sure enough I did find red dots for less money. The site www.labelsonline.com sold the red labels for $34 including shipping. Once again, I found what I wanted on the Internet. Makes you wonder, “How did we get along without the Internet?”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

LENDING MONEY

About a month ago, my daughter and son-in-law asked to borrow money from me to expand their business. Of course I said yes as my parents had always generously given me money. At the same time, I couldn’t help but think of the aphorism, “When you lend money to a family member or friend, consider it a gift as they might never repay you.” Nevertheless, I lent the money anyway, even though they asked for an amount that exceeded what I felt comfortable with

But in the past few days several events have occurred that (because I am a bit superstitious) are like omens reassuring me everything will be fine. The money I have given away seems to be coming back. I received a letter in the mail from the Social Security Office stating that I will receive an additional $250 check in May. I will also receive in May, a $100 check from my insurance company as a reward for exercising a minimum of 10 times a month for the past six months. In addition, my credit awards 2% money back on all my purchases and whenever the amount reaches $50, they send me a check for the full amount. Not only that, yesterday when I went for my annual mammogram, the technician asked if I would participate in a study. Sure I said and when I finished she gave me an envelope containing $25.

Amazing, I thought, in May an unexpected $425 will fall into my life -- just like another well know aphorism, “Cast your bread on the water and it will come back cake.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

MY CONDOMINIUM

I live in a condominium of only 4-units. All four units are owned by women and we get along quite well. But one of the owners, Laurie the treasurer, is quite negative and often complains or brings up objections to new proposals. Well today takes the cake. When I called Laurie about Bill the man who has installed new doors on our building, she made me exceedingly angry. And so I sent her this message.

Laurie
I have written the following draft email to the owners in our building. But since, I do not like mailing correspondence when I am so angry, I am giving you the courtesy of reading it first, before I email it. Alternatively, if you would like to write a withdrawal slip to pay Bill $1250-$1500, I will delete the email.
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Hi Owners,

Bill called me this morning and asked if we could send him a partial payment for the work he has done on our doors. But when I talked to Laurie about it, she hung up on me.

Bill has finished Brenda’s and my doors and we are both happy with the work he has done. Bill has asked Laurie when he can return to re-do her door as it needs adjusting. Laurie does not like the work he has done and I suggested she should call someone else to fix it and we will not pay Bill for the work he did on her door. However, because Bill did not require an upfront 50% down payment that most companies do, I called Laurie about at least sending him a partial payment of $1250 - $1500 ($500 per door for labor on Brenda’s and my doors and $167 per entry door). When he sends a final bill we will pay the balance.

I think we should have a meeting and vote for a new treasurer.

JoAnn

GREAT NEWS

First thing this morning, I called the ambulance company to inquiry about the $709 bill I received for my ambulance ride to the hospital on Dec. 30, 2008. “Could you please explain why Medicare or my supplemental insurance policy will not cover the cost?” I asked. And lo and behold the employee told me to look at the bottom of the letter I received. It should say, “This is an invoice, not a bill!”

“Hurrah,” I replied when I read the statement, “I don’t have to pay you $709.” Well, at least for the time being anyway. The correspondence they sent simply let me know they had submitted a claim to Medicare and were waiting for the decision. Medicare may of course reject the bill and I will eventually have to pay the amount. But for the time being the ambulance company won’t get my money.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

AMBULANCE

I couldn’t believe it! The bill read $709.

On Dec. 30, 2008, I had experienced 3 strange, little blackouts during the day lasting about a minute. By 9:00 in the evening, I became concerned. What if I had a few mini strokes? And so, I googled strokes and learned that a patient should get to the hospital right away in the case of a stroke. The first episode occurred about 2:30 and over six hours had passed. Guess I better hurry to the hospital, I thought. I quickly packed a few things, including my laptop, cause who knew how long I might be in the hospital, and called 911.

The ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital. The doctor performed a couple tests but fortunately could find nothing wrong. He attributed the occurrences to an altered mental state, told me to schedule a follow-up appointment in April, and then sent me home. I followed his advice and had an MRI, plus an ultra-sound which both showed no problems.

Of course I was relieved and shouldn’t complain. But the bill I received from the ambulance company, $709, was a total shock. I had expected that Medicare and my supplemental insurance policy would cover it, though obviously they didn’t. And so you can bet that first thing tomorrow morning I’ll make a few calls to inquire. However, I can only guess they will reinforce what I already know. I owe $709. Next time I’ll call a taxicab.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

GOOD BOOK

Recently I started reading “The Longest Trip Home” by John Grogan. Of course, I love a well-written book with a well-crafted story and this author certainly shines. Although I must admit that when reading a book, I seldom pay attention to the author’s names. And so to my surprise, I discovered midway through the book that I recognized the author.

He mentions, in the book, that shortly after his wedding, he and his wife bought a high-spirited Labrador dog named Marley. Good grief I thought, I know Marley. I read all about him in the book, “Marley and Me.” And I immediately realized, the journalist in “The Longest Trip Home” who worked for newspaper in Florida was the same journalist in “Marley.” But as much as I like the book I am currently reading, I can guarantee you I will not go see the movie, if one is made. I saw the movie, “Marley and Me” after I read the book. And though the movie was good, it could never equal the book.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CELL PHONE

Not long ago, when I called a friend she refused to talk to me. She asked if I was using my cell phone in my car. When I said, “Yes.” She responded, “Call me when you get home as I won’t talk to you while you are driving.” Fine I thought, I’ll just call someone else.

But it happened again. Another friend called me today and said, I received your call on Tuesday, but since you were on your cell phone, and I assumed in your car, I wouldn’t answer it.” He contends that the cell phone creates a safety issue as the driver has only one hand on the steering wheel.

I know they are probably right. But I hate to admit, I will probably continue talking on my cell phone as I’m driving. Like all other culprits, I believe, “It will never happen to me.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INKSELL.COM

I don’t print often. In fact, most of the time, I print only envelopes with my return address for my www.FunnyPhotosContest.com website. The address on the envelope appears with the colors red, yellow, and blue. But last evening when I began printing more envelopes, I immediately saw with dismay, that the red printed as a very light yellow and the yellow could hardly be seen at all.

I had purchased new print cartridges in December from inksell.com as I have done for several years. And so, I couldn’t imagine why they didn’t work. When I took the color cartridge out of the printer I noticed an expiration date of Aug. 2006. Aha, I thought, they sent me a defective cartridge and I would surely call first thing in the morning to complain. I hoped of course they would send me a new cartridge.

The representative I spoke with was very polite and when I told her about the date, she explained that it did not reflect the cartridge’s effectiveness as it was refurbished. But what can I do I inquired? It seems that the cartridge might be clogged and so she instructed me to soak the bottom half in warm water for about three hours and then it should work. I agreed I would try, but then further queried her as to what I should do, if that failed. No problem she replied we will send you a new one. Inksell.com is lucky they have a good customer service policy and qualified employees. I am again a happy customer and will continue purchasing print cartridges from inksell.com.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

UNDERDOG

I can remember so clearly enjoying the 1980’s movie “Karate Kid,” about a junior high, weakling who learns karate and changes the course of his fate. It seems universal that many of us thrill to see the “underdog” succeed. Of course, it was a fictitious movie. But in the last 10 days, the world has discovered a real life “underdog” and the excitement has been phenomenal.

An overweight, frumpy, 47 year old lady auditioned for the television talent show, “Britain’s Got Talent”. When she walked out on the stage, the crowd eagerly waited for her performance so that they could hoot and boo at her. But what a shock, the music started, and she began singing, I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. The audience was dumbstruck and instead of booing they exploded with thunderous applause and a standing ovation, to hear the beautiful voice of Susan Boyle.

I did not view the television show, but like 30 million other people, I watched the video of her performance on YouTube.com. I was enchanted by her voice and enjoyed watching the response of both the judges and the audience. In fact, I have watched it several times with a lump in my throat each time.

Since her audition, she has been interviewed by Larry King and numerous morning news shows, she has been the topic of many news stories around the world, and the paparazzi is close by her side. It’s incredible. But perhaps we are all cheering for her, the underdog, because we all feel like the underdog at sometime or other and perhaps we can all hope to succeed as well.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

BOOKMARKS

I’m always trying to figure out a good way to advertise my website without spending too much money. Thus, recently, I decided to create some small flyers and ask several store-keepers if they would pass them out to their customers. In return, I would put a banner ad of their business at the top of one of my website pages.

I told a friend of mine, a graphic artist, about the idea and she offered to design it for me. I was pleased, of course, and invited to take her out to lunch in return. Several days later, she sent me her design and I was absolutely thrilled. She had cleverly created terrific looking bookmarks. What a great idea I thought and how very clever. The receiver could put my advertisement to good use and in addition be continually reminded of my website.

I called Kinkos, and was pleasantly surprised to learn it would cost me about $130 for 4,000 bookmarks – not bad, only four cents apiece. Now all I have to do is wait to see how successful this new strategy will be.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ARCH SUPPORTS

Four hundred dollars…what a shock. Six years ago, a physical therapist said I needed arch supports for my very flat feet. And she didn’t mean the inexpensive type you can buy at a shoe or drug store, but the orthotics that a doctor prescribes. I made an appointment with a podiatrist, had him make a mold of my feet, and luckily didn’t pay a penny as my insurance covered the cost.

But recently, I realized that arch supports don’t last forever and I needed to replace mine with new ones. Once again, I called to make an appointment. This time however, I received quite a shock. The new orthotics would cost me $400. When I bought my first pair, the insurance policy with my former employer covered the cost. Unfortunately, I no longer have that policy. I turned 65 and decided to purchase a Medicare supplement, as I thought it would cover most of my needs.

Well that’s what I get when I don’t read the fine print. Nevertheless, if I divide the $400 over the past six years, it’s only about $5.50 a month!

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

RUDE EMPLOYEES

Rude, self-righteous employees drive me crazy, especially when they are wrong like the one I spoke to yesterday. A few weeks ago, I decided to add my two adult children to one of my investments accounts as joint owners. The company, Dreyfus, told me that during the transfer process I could not write any checks. I would have to wait until I received my new checkbook and checks. I didn’t have a problem with that as I seldom touch the account.

However, a few days ago, my son-in-law asked if he could borrow several thousand dollars to expand his business. I agreed and then called Dreyfus to ask when I would receive my new checks. The customer representative I spoke with said I should receive them within two weeks. Since my son-in-law needed the money next week, I asked if she could please send me an extra book right away. “No,” she replied, “we cant do that as we just sent you new checks.” I then asked if perhaps she could electronically transfer money to my local bank. Again she said no because I did not have any bank listed with her company.

At this point I became very angry. Just two weeks ago, when I initiated the change to my account, I confirmed my bank account number with the Dreyfus Company. Thus, when the rep continued refusing my requests, I insisted on speaking to her supervisor. She put me on hold and it seemed like I waited an interminable 5 to 10 minutes. I have no doubt my blood pressure rose 100 points. Finally, she came back on the line and would you believe she said, “We will overnight a batch of checks to you immediately!!!”

The next day when I told my daughter about my encounter, she taught me a very good lesson. “Mom, you should just hang up and call back. Another, more qualified customer representative will answer the phone and surely give you better service.”

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

EBAY

For the last several years my daughter, son-in-law, and two grandsons have bought and sold many things on Ebay.com -- X-Box games, jewelry, Univ. of Wisconsin Badger football tickets, and cosmetics. Although she has been very happy with her purchases, I had no interest in purchasing second hand merchandise from people who were totally foreign to me.

Recently I happened to mention to my daughter that the drugstore no longer carried the hair color I needed and the website that carried my favorite eye cream had doubled its price. Once again she encouraged me to buy what I needed on Ebay for much lower prices than retail stores. In addition she said, “The products aren’t second hand, but factory seconds.” Well, I thought, I might as well try. And so I opened an account on Ebay and not only found the hair color I needed, for a reduced price, but in addition I did not have to pay a shipping charge.

I’m now a strong supporter of Ebay and amazed at the modern technology of the 21st century. What could be better, it’s inexpensive, is shipped right to my door, and I pay for it with my PayPal account.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FALLING APART

September will mark 30 years since I moved into my condominium. It also marks the start of lots of repairs – which of course comes with the territory. Luckily, a friend recently gave me the name of a great handyman, Ray, who is spending a lot of time here.

For years, I have cleaned my clogged bathroom sink with Drano. But recently, even Drano couldn’t do the job. Ray had to clean out the pipe below my sink. When he finished, I told him that for years, rain has leaked into my basement and no one has been able to fix it. Voilla…Ray found a couple of holes where water could easily seep in and he plugged them up.

But that’s not all. The other day as I prepared for dinner guests, my garbage disposal broke. And yes, you guessed it, I called Ray who will pick up a new disposal for me and install it today. Thank goodness for Ray, but I can only wonder what will happen next.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

M.R.I.

The last time I had an M.R.I., Magnetic Resonance Imaging, was in 1998. But I have very little memory of it and so yesterday when I underwent another M.R.I., it felt like a completely new experience. The technician immediately gave me earplugs to minimize the loud noises I would hear. Since I would have to lie on my back for about 45 minutes, she put a pillow under my knees, gave me a button to press in case I needed to call her, laid a blanket over me, and placed a plastic mask (similar to the football type masks) over my face. Next she began rolling the table (with me lying on top of it) into the M.R.I., a large round tube. As I had heard many people feel claustrophobic in the tube, I immediately closed my eyes and decided not to open them until the end of the test.

The test and the noises then began. The loud noise I heard sounded like a jackhammer. Good grief I thought what would it sound like without the earplugs? At times the noise changed to a tornado siren or washing machine. Occasionally the technician said something to me, but I could barely hear her other than the words 5 or 10 minutes. With my body immobilized and my eyes closed I thought what could I do for the next 45 minutes. Not much of course other than meditate. And so I began deep breathing and the next thing I knew the test was over – hopefully for another 10 years.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

INSULATION

People often like to obtain a third opinion for medical problems, insurance quotes, real estate decisions, etc. etc. Well let me tell you, I strongly recommend a third opinion for attic insulation concerns. One of the owners of the four unit, townhouse condominium in which I live, took a photo of our building last winter. She showed me that snow covered the entire roof except my unit. “You should have your insulation checked,” she advised and so I did. The home inspector I called looked at my attic and said, “You’re fine. You have the required amount of insullation.”

Luckily my neighbor was skeptical and encouraged me to get a couple more opinions. And so once again, I followed her advice. The next man who looked at my attic found that parts of it were adequately insulated, but much of the rest needed more insulation. He also said I needed to fix the venting. Interesting I thought and I anxiously awaited the third opinion. Lo and behold, the last man not only agreed that my attic needed more insulation and the venting need improvements, but he discovered an additional problem. The firewall that separates my unit from my neighbor had no insulation what so ever. I moved into my condo 30 years ago and over the years, the original insulation in the wall had blown away. No wonder I had high heating bills.

It’s only April and I won’t see a significant difference in my heating costs for months. But I had no trouble deciding whom I should hire. And meantime, I am very grateful to my neighbor. Without her keen observation, I would continue to waste lots of money on heating a hungry attic.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

VOLUNTEER DINNER

Since 2002, as a volunteer tutor, I have taught many senior citizens at the local senior center how to use their computers. I have enjoyed meeting and helping many wonderful people. And like other volunteers the joy of assisting someone provides a very special personal reward. But the local senior center goes one step further.

Every year in spring they invite all the volunteers to a volunteer appreciation dinner. As I always enjoy any meal I do not have to cook or pay for, I have attended the dinners each year. The food is always good and the entertainment enjoyable. In addition, I always like the opportunity to meet other volunteers. This year there were a record number of 130 people attending. Had all the volunteers shown up there would have been 250 people. But what is most interesting is that almost every volunteer who serves the Center’s senior citizens is himself/herself a “Senior Citizen”.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FACEBOOK

It seems like all of a sudden, FaceBook.com has become a national craze. Hundreds of thousands of people are setting up FaceBook accounts and inviting everyone they know to become a “friend”. I created my own FaceBook account about three years ago, when I thought it might provide a good avenue for advertising my website, www.FunnyPhotosContest.com. Unfortunately, it didn’t and so I have rarely looked at the site since.

However, in the past several weeks, I have received numerous emails from my children, high school friends, and college friends inviting me to “be their friend”. This peeked my curiosity and so once again, I checked it out. Although, I will probably not spend much time sending messages or writing on a friend’s wall, I thoroughly enjoy reading my children’s profiles. I’m learning things about them I might otherwise never have found out. I wonder if they have heard the experts warnings to young people, “Don’t put anything on the web that you wouldn’t want your Mother to see !!!!”

PASSOVER

Passover starts on Wednesday evening and I always start preparing early as there is always so much to do. But this year I had a dilemma. Traditionally, the seder plate must contain a shank bone or a chicken neck. Thus, in the past I always made sure that weeks in advance I would save a chicken neck from a whole chicken I had cooked. But now-a-days, the large grocery store chains seldom sell whole chickens. Instead, they stock mostly prepackaged thighs and legs, breasts, or wings. Luckily, I found a small butcher shop that would sell me just a chicken neck and so for the last several years I had no problem.

But yesterday when I called the Butcher, I learned they currently have only chicken necks attached to the chicken backs. But what would I do with the back? I told my daughter and she simply said, “Mom, why don’t you just buy a thigh from Kentucky Fried Chicken and use that?” “Oh, but I couldn’t,” I replied. Later I talked to an elder cousin and asked her what to do. Much to my surprise, she gave me the same answer. “Just use any chicken bone,” she said, “it really doesn’t matter.”

Nevertheless, it just doesn’t seem quite right. But I’m easing my conscience with the knowledge that I will as always follow a couple traditions. I’ll use the recipe my Aunt Pauline gave me for her delicious brisket and I’ll bake her wonderful sponge cake from scratch, using potato starch and nine eggs.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

SELLING ON THE INTERNET

When I initially launched my website, I had grandiose hopes of making millions of dollars - haha. But three years later, my costs far exceed my income. Nevertheless, I won’t give up and maybe my latest idea will prove profitable.

Although I have attempted to sell t-shirts on my site through www.cafepress.com, not even one person has purchased any of the t-shirts that display the best of my contestant’s photos. But yesterday a new idea occurred to me. A friend of mine, an excellent graphic artist, might consider designing some really great t-shirts to sell on my site. It would give her an opportunity to make some money and I would simply ask her for a small percentage of her earnings. I also have another artist friend who paints, makes jewelry, and creates other artistic knick-knacks. Perhaps she would also like to sell her things on my website and again, I would only ask for a small percentage of her earnings.

Neither friend was home when I tried calling them to offer my business proposal. So I have no idea of how they will react. But it’s worth a try and maybe I’ll finally start making some money.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

FOOD PROCESSOR

A few years ago, I tasted delicious mock chop liver at a friend’s house. I enjoyed it so much, I asked for the recipe and rushed out to buy a small food processor for $40. I immediately made my own and ate it all up. However, a long time passed before I again made another batch. But when I fried the onions, boiled the eggs, poured all the ingredients in the processor, and then turned on the machine, nothing happened. To fix the problem, I tried twisting the cover tighter and tighter. Still, the motor wouldn’t start.

Obviously, the food processor was broken. But I had to take the mock chop liver to a party that night, so I went to the store to buy a new one. Luckily, I had seen a recent Walgreen’s advertisement for a larger processor priced at only $15. I quickly bought it, carried it home, and made sure the cover was tightly secured in order to finish making my hor dourve.

Unfortunately, I could not return my other food processor as it was out of warranty. But a few days after buying my new machine, I made an important discovery. It dawned on me that I had concentrated so hard on tightening the cover of my first processor, it never occurred to me to check the base. Surely that was my mistake. It probably had to be tightened as well. And so when I once again assembled my original machine correctly, it worked !!!

Now what would I do with two food processors. I offered it to my daughter, but she didn’t need it. So I put it on my top shelf and forgot about it until recently when I had a craving for humus. I bought a can of garbanzo beans, plugged in my Walgreen’s food processor, and then realized it was too big for just one can of beans. At that moment, I knew immediately what I would do with my two appliances – the big one for mock chop liver and the small one for humus.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

CAN SPRING BE FAR BEHIND?

On Feb 2nd, Jimmy the ground hog saw his shadow and Wisconsinites resigned themselves to another six weeks of winter. However, the mood improved on Mar 21st, the first day of spring when the temperatures had risen and we looked forward to spring. Unfortunately our good luck did not last. Last night, Mar 28th, we received two inches of snow. What a bummer!

The weather seldom bothers me as I know that the bad never lasts long. Nevertheless, the snow last night and the prediction of two more snowfalls later this week, did dampen my spirit. And so, you can imagine my delight when I woke up this morning, saw the sun shining, and bits of grass peeking out beneath the snow. Later that morning, even larger patches of grass started to appear, and as I sit here typing on my computer, I can look out my window to see more grass than snow. Hallelujah! I should have remembered it wouldn’t last long and by tomorrow, spring will return.

By Hannah --www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.