MY SENIOR FRIENDS

Now that I’m a senior citizen, I worry that my friends might forget to show up when we make plans to get together.  And rightful so, as it has happened on one or two occasions.  Thus, recently when I made plans with four friends to meet for lunch and then go to the local senior center to see, for free, the movie, “The Descendants,” I called each one that morning to confirm (or I should say remind them) of our plans.

Lo and behold, when I called Gloria, she said, “Oh my goodness, I’m glad you called, because I’m afraid I did forget.”  Fortunately the other two ladies said yes they did remember and would meet me at the restaurant.  So at 11:00, Gloria and Arlene arrived at the restaurant.  We waited awhile for Joyce and finally, after 15 minutes, decided we needed to be seated and order our lunch. 

I couldn’t imagine what happened to Joyce, although, I know she has had memory lapses recently.  But 45 minutes later she did show up and told us she had met another friend for breakfast and so just ordered a cup of coffee as we finished our lunch.

By Hannah

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RICK’S SPAM EMAIL

The other day, I received an email from my son Rick with an offer to make money at home.  I knew immediately that it was spam.  Rick works for a financial company and thus he gives me excellent financial advice, certainly not get rich schemes.

As I looked at it more closely, I noticed that my sister also received the email.  I knew Rick would not appreciate that.  He does not like his aunt for several reasons, one of which is that she has asked to borrow money from him, even though she has no way of repaying it.

Oh well, nothing that can be done about it, though I’m wondering how long it will take until she contacts him again to borrow money!

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

TRUSTING SALESMAN

The other day I bought a new vacuum cleaner and the salesman told me he would give me a $100 discount on the price for bringing in my old vacuum.  Of course I was very pleased and today I drove back to the store with my old vacuum in the trunk.  But when I walked in, he looked puzzled when I handed him my credit card in order to receive the discount.

It almost seemed as if he didn’t remember selling me a vacuum.  And so I said, “Here, I have the receipt in my purse.”  He took the receipt and carefully looked it over.  “Oh yes,” he replied, “I applied the discount to your bill at the time you purchased it.”  And sure enough he showed me the lower price that I paid. 

I never looked at my receipt and didn’t know it had included the discount.  But what really surprised me and I even said to the salesman,  “You are certainly a very trusting person and that was very nice of you since you had no way of knowing whether I would, in fact, bring you my old vacuum.”  He just smiled and replied, “Oh, I knew you would.” 

“Hmmmm,” I thought and I guessed it probably hadn’t really mattered if I did or didn’t !!!!

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

ENDOSCOPY

Yesterday, I had to go to the hospital to have an endoscopy.  This procedure requires the doctor to insert a scope down my throat to view the inside and if necessary do a balloon treatment to stretch my throat a little.  Of course, I received sedation so I never felt a thing.  Luckily all is well and I don’t have to worry about it.

And the really good part of the whole things was that the doctor told me to restrict my diet to soft foods for the next 24 hours.  The list of foods I received included pancakes for breakfast.  Since the ingredients in pancakes and waffles are almost identical (one tablespoon of oil is added to the waffle batter), I asked if I could have waffles instead.  I was pleased to learn I could.  I love waffles but seldom make them.  And so with this good news, I decided to treat myself to waffles this morning ;-)

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

DR. WEISS

Today I had an appointment at the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure to learn why food occasionally gets stuck in my esophagus.  I have never before been afraid of going to the doctor or having a medical test, but for some unknown reason, today I did feel a little apprehension.  I don’t know why unless as I’m growing older my mortality becomes more real.

Nevertheless, when the doctor who would perform the procedure walked in the room my trepidation increased and my blood pressure rose to a high of 167 or 85.  Normally, my blood pressure hovers around 90 over 60.  The doctor, I kid you not, looked almost like a teenager!  I guessed her age at maybe 25 and worried that she was too young to have sufficient experience to put a scope down my throat.

I had to say something to find out about her competence, but certainly did not want to insult her.  So I simply said, “I bet all your patience say you look so young.  But since medical school requires many years of school, you must at least be in your late 20’s.”  She smiled and replied, “Yes my patients do share your opinion, but I’m in my late 30’s and my birthday is on Saturday.”

I felt much better knowing she had practiced medicine for at least 10 years and as she explained the procedure she would perform, I gained more confidence in her ability.  Shortly thereafter, the nurse sedated me and the next thing I knew, the mini-surgery was over and I was just fine.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

NEW CUSTOMERS FOR OXI FRESH

After 40 years, my vacuum cleaner broke. But it had a ‘long run’, so I can’t complain.  Thus, I went to a vacuum cleaner store today to buy a new one.  The salesman showed me a wonderful light-weight cleaner that weighed only six pounds.  Perfect, I thought until he told me the price was $400 … not so good. Luckily I asked if he had any other light-weight vacuums for a lower price.  Indeed, he did and I bought one for $300.  And to sweeten the deal he offered me a 10% discount for bringing in my old one.  I was a happy camper.

In addition, another good surprise awaited me.  As I gave him my credit card it occurred to me that I might be able to greatly assist my son-in-law, James.  He owns the Oxi Fresh Carpet Cleaning Company and so I asked my salesman if many customers ever asked him to recommend a good carpet cleaning company. “Yes,” he responded and I proceeded to tell him about James’s business.  “Oxi Fresh is great,” I said, “It’s environmentally safe, the carpet is practically dry by the time the technician is finished cleaning, and each time I’ve had my carpet cleaned my friends and neighbors have asked if I had purchased new carpet.”

When I left the store I called James to tell him my good news.  Of course James was very pleased and said he would stop by to introduce himself.  Here’s hoping there’s lots of business ahead for James.

By Hannah

www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions.

THE IRS AND MY 401K

When I talked to my friend, Jane, today she told me to call the IRS immediately as they could take 50% of my retirement. “Oh no,” I said and at the same time thanked her for letting me know. Last summer I turned 71 and ½. I knew that the IRS required retirees to start withdrawing money from their IRA’s at that age, but I didn’t think I had any IRA’s.

Sure I had investments, but I didn’t realize the money in the TIAA-Creff account that I had accumulated while I worked at the University was, in fact, a retirement account. I have several investments and the only one I considered as a retirement one is the Roth IRA I have with Vanguard which does not require withdrawals.

So, my 71st birthday came and went and I did nothing. Chances are TIAA-Creff probably sent me a letter explaining I had to make a withdrawal. However, I receive so much “junk mail” from them, that I pay little attention to it. I know… My fault. But it’s spilt milk now.

Of course, I did as Jane suggested and called TIAA-Creff. Luckily they were very helpful and assisted me in taking care of the problem. When I asked about the 50% that the IRS could take, they told me, “Yes, if I get audited, the IRS will take ½ of the money I should have withdrawn.” Oh well, what can I do and if I’m lucky, they will just ignore the ‘small’ amount. But what really frustrated me was that although, the law states the money should be withdrawn when you turn 70 and ½, they give you about 9 months to pay it. For me the deadline fell on April 1, 2012. And what a shame, I called TIAA-Creff on April 20th. If only I had called three weeks earlier!!!!

By Hannah www.FunnyPhotosContest.com a photo contest for cute or funny photos and photo captions and www.EndTheAfghanWar.com .